Keeping myself on schedule and other random ramblings.

(Raquelashakti singing "Teen Idle" by Marina and the Diamonds)

Awesome thumbnail saved, huh?   A few posts ago I complained about my "lack of being photogenic".  It's pretty funny though.  

To my point though, as you can see above, I finally have this weeks video up on youtube!  I can't deny, that posting a video each week, and having it seem as if no one watches can be discouraging.  I'm refusing to give up though.  There's a part of me that just says "forget it".  I won't.  I've done that so much all my life, and if this is what I want to do with my life...I'm doing it.  I've also come to the realization that I will have to start letting the people that I know, or that live in the same area as me see that other "facet" of myself.  Other than just "that weird quiet girl".  It's scary though, know what I mean?  

If I lived far away and didn't have to deal with anyone, it'd be much simpler!  Why is it that i'm so much more comfortable showing this side of myself to complete strangers?  

So I know I've been on a big Marina and the Diamonds kick lately, but I was finally able to download her newest CD and I've been listening and dissecting each song.  Yes.  I really do dissect the music I listen to.  Call it a hobby.  Anyways, there's this song on there called "Fear and Loathing".  I listened to it, and that lightbulb goes off, saying, "dear God.  This is exactly how I've always felt".   I'M NOT ALONE.  You know how I always talk about the different "facets" of myself?  The different sides that I show?  Well to be honest there are times where I start to think....am I schizophrenic???  I've worked many jobs, and when it's been brought up that I'm shy, people at my customer service jobs have been like, "I don't believe that!  You're so outgoing and friendly!"  I have literally been so afraid that two different people from two different places where I play "different people" will run into me at the same time...and that's it.  My cover's blown.  I'm not who they think I am.  Then it's just awkward.  So when in this song Marina says:

"Got different people inside my head

I wonder which one that they like best"

That is quite literally the same thing that goes off in my head.  It's just another part that I play in this place called "life" just to get through it.  So maybe I'm not crazy, not schizophrenic...it's just like what many other introverts go through, and the parts we try to play to blend in to society.  

That's not the only line in the song I relate to, she also goes on about how she lives life in bitterness, and fills her heart with emptiness.  I remember hating everything.  I remember vowing to never get married, have children, etc etc.  I just wanted to be alone.  I hated everything.   I was so bitter I cut family members out and refused to talk to them.  I didn't get close to anyone.  The little island called "Alone" on that map people refer to as a brain, was the only place I wanted to be.  

 Dear Introverts...even if we want to be alone, at least we know we're not.  Plenty more of us out there.  

Here's Marina's "Fear and Loathing" listen to the lyrics. 

Good night all!

I wish I'd been a Teen Idle

"Teen Idle" by Marina and the Diamonds

Can I tell someone how much I love this woman?  

Beneath the blonde hair, big brown eyes, and pretty dresses, is an intelligent and realistic woman.  

Her songs are catchy, and dance-y.  Normally when you turn on the radio, you hear some stupid dance song repeating the same line...over and over and over and over...you get my point.  It's annoying.  Guess that makes for some fast song writing though!  

I urge anyone, whoever you are, whatever music you like, check Marina and the Diamonds out.  If you don't get hooked musically, read/listen to the lyrics.  There are pieces all throughout her CD that shoot down the way society is nowadays.  Pieces for the introvert (woot woot!).  The list goes on.  The more I listen, the more every lyric I hear and read, the more I feel connected to her.  I guess what I love so much is the non-stop sarcasm from her.  Sarcasm just happens to be a language that I am fluent in!  

On another note, still working on that "Seven Devils" (Florence + The Machine) project that I had been working on.  My problem?  I hate not having a full orchestra to back me up on this.  When it's just my dinky keyboard...it sounds like a child playing one of those toy pianos that kinda..."clunks" in comparison.  So, it's still a work in progress.  I might just sing some more Marina this week ;-)

I'd also like to let you all know, I officially work in a library.  Cool, right?  After over a decade of being on the front line in "customer service", where I'm the first face people see.  I finally get to be in the background.   I quietly put the books away, and I get to hide and sort books in peace.  I love it.  It pays less than half of what I used to make, but I love it.  I finally have a job where I can be myself, organize things, and just "be" in my head all day.  I can hum a song, think of new music ideas, and it's OK.  Another plus?  The people I work with are ALSO quiet...so no social pressures.  Yay for me :-)

Guten Nacht.

Rootless

There ya have it folks!  This weeks video is "Rootless" by Marina and the Diamonds.  

I love this song specifically because I can relate to the lyrics.  I love the music too of course, but still it's even funny to see someone who's beautiful and successful...only to find out, they too also feel like an outcast.  Or that they just don't feel they belong.  There was a post on Google+ a few days ago, that asked:  "What would be the theme song to your life?".  I responded to it saying, "There's no way one song could sum up my life."  While that is true, I would say that "Rootless" comes close.  

I was born and raised in Illinois, then at the age of 11/12, I was moved up to Wisconsin.  I had some friends, and horribly enough, I never felt like "me" with any of them.  I never felt fully comfortable.  Even as a child, you know before you feel those pressures to do what's "cool", wear what's "right", and be happily oblivious.  I never had that comfort.  My life has been one big act that "everything is OK", and "I'm normal".  Which just backfired, and resulted in a lack of friends, and people staring at me weird when I was trying to talk.  Also getting made fun of.  

Even in high school, I joined the ever-so-popular Dance Team.  I didn't do this for popularity, I did this because I loved to dance, and popularity was not a concern for me.  Even being in that group, I still sat on the side, and no one talked to me.  Yep.  Guess I must've had a second head growing on the side of my face?  *shrugs*

This is in no way whining.  Trust me.  I am actually very grateful for my life.  While I would watch those girls talking, I would see the pressure, the pathetic attempts to either outdo, or please each other.  Maybe that was my problem.  I just didn't want any part in that.  As much as I would even try acting that way...I just couldn't.  

Anyways, back to my main point.  You see Marina, and you think, yep, good-looking.  Her life must be easy.  In this song the way she describes how she's feeling, it's like she's got nothing.  No place she belongs. Her lyrics sum up how I feel, and it's pretty cool to know that such a normal-looking, pretty, very successful person feels just like me.  

Cheers.

What has the world come to?

Alright.  So this is a completely random topic.  I also never ever touch the subject of weight, because I hate it.  Growing up I had influences that expressed very negative body image, which lead to me looking down on myself growing up.  No, I never had an eating disorder.  In fact, I've always loved food, and most importantly..I'm a lover of bread.  There is nothing that can ever stop that for me.  It wasn't until I grew to be in my older teens that I quit the "Poor me" act, and accepted my body for how it was.  No, I'm also not fat, and never have been.  I don't think the body is a garbage disposal, I think we should take care of it.  Eat our fruits and veggies, proteins...just look at the food pyramid, and that's my belief system!  (although admittedly...I go a bit heavier on the carbs, hee hee)

Either way, this article comes out, and I'm shocked.  

http://hellogiggles.com/the-fat-shaming-of-kate-upton-or-why-ill-never-buy-the-difference-between-thinspiration-and-pro-ana-websites

I click on it, and I see this gorgeous, envy worthy, hot girl.  She's got curve, is well-endowed, and a nice flat tummy.  The title had "fat shaming" in it, well I had no idea what was going on.  Or who was "fat" or whatever.  So I read, and blogs like "Skinny Gossip" is bashing on this girl...saying:

"Because if we’re to believe the truly motivating, encouraging words of the anonymous, “thinspirational” blogger behind a website called Skinny Gossip, Upton looks “thick, vulgar, almost pornographic” (assuming these are negative physical qualities? I think I know a few men and women who would gladly ogle a body fitting that criteria). Upton appears “lazy,” and “lardy,” has “huge thighs, NO waist, big fat floppy boobs, terrible body definition,” and “looks like a squishy brick” (which is a comparison that perhaps stretches the appropriate boundaries of proper simile usage). She’s likened to both a cow and a pig and the post itself is titled “Kate Upton is Well-Marbled.”

I'm sorry....WHAT?!  You're kidding me right?!!???!!!!!!  This was just the woman, that even had me as a straight woman saying "Dayum!"

Then I see that she's said to look like a "squishy brick".  Let me be blunt here and say that these people need to shut the fuck up!  My guess is that the writer of that blog is some skeletal, flat chested bitch, with a low self esteem.  Obviously.  

I apologize for the swearing, I normally try to refrain, but when I'm mad, it just comes out.  People need to take care of themselves, and celebrate their beautiful bodies for the way that God made them.  Not starve ourselves.  I think we can teach our younger generations, boys and girls, to love themselves.  To take care of themselves, and focus more of what's going on inside, rather than how we appear on the surface.  To love themselves for the bodies God gave them, instead of striving to be like someone else.  

That is all.  Good Day.

Who You Are

Well folks, this weeks (technically 2nd one from the past week) is "Who You Are" by Jessie J.  I was in love with this woman's voice the second I heard it.  If you read some of my previous posts, I've gone on about her before, and how talented she is.  Well here's my shot at it.

For some reason the Audio is worse than usual, and if I sing too loud the mic likes to cut out.  Why not get better recording equipment you say?  Well I'm poor to put it bluntly, ha ha.  So no fancy equipment for me, just my handy dandy webcam.  This video you are going to watch, was my last take, before my voice just couldn't take it anymore.  I was practicing singing this song in the original key...yes it's MUCH higher than what I'm singing at.  I can sing that high for maybe...the first try!  Then my voice starts to get tired on me.  So I had to opt for a lower key where I didn't sound like a dying cat!  If you pay close attention...you can still hear some of those "cat-like" moments ;-)

What I love, is that Youtube gives you 3 options to choose from for the thumbnail for your video.  Never once have I found one where I look...somewhat human.  Just the shots where I either look stoned, mentally challenged (no offense), confused, or asleep.  Yep.  Good ol' photogenic me!  

Either way, hope you enjoy the video.  

Guten Nacht!

Allow me to blab

Tonight I'm taking off of trying to film whatever video..concoction I come up with for this week.  Tonight, I feel the need to speak.  

Funny how it's easiest to write down the things you want to say, versus saying them.  As a "thinker" I get inspired by many different things.  How watching people, either close or far from you, can spring a plethora of ideas into your own head.  Maybe even make you question your own life...the way you do things.

For instance, one of my closest friends.  Their actions can be downright offensive.  Their beliefs, they really aren't even sure of, but are at least sure of what they don't believe.  They are the only one to call the bull in a room full of people who all think the same thing.  To give the honest answer that will get a rise when asked a question.  

Dear Friend, I envy you.

I think there are many of us who claim not give an eff about what "people" think.  That's a lie.  We all care what someone out there thinks.  We all at one point or another let someone else's thoughts impact our decisions.  In a world full of fashion, art, music, whatever your talent may be.  You feed off some sort of acceptance from an individual other than yourself.  I'll admit it.  I care what other people think.  I hate it.  I hate myself for even feeling that way, but it's the truth.  I'm actually afraid of people that see me everyday in this little town I reside in, that they'll ever see the other side of me.  To be even more honest, I'm afraid for them to know anything about me at all!  I've only ever wanted to be left alone.  With a simple "Hello", comes more responsibilities of more "hellos" and "goodbyes", and other mindless banter.  

Now the friend I mentioned above, make no mistake, they have fears, and are just like the rest of us.  Wanting to please someone.  I just envy their ability to speak the truth even if it means turning their whole world upside down.  Making themselves look like a monster.  I have this horrible need to speak the truth.  I give it.  If I don't want to speak it though, I just remain silent.  For instance, the videos I post on youtube.  They aren't horribly racy, but there is an air of sensuality to my alter ego "Raquelashakti".  I would die if my grandparents...sibling...or neighbor even saw them!  So as a result, they have no idea I even make videos.  I'm silent once again!  Which makes me feel spineless.  

"Dearest Raquelashakti, you can't live to please everyone, and yes, not even your family.  This is your hurdle, and you need to get over it." ~says the constant voice in my head. 

Do I tell them?  Is it really even that big of a deal?  

Naturally these thoughts string together ideas of a song, lyrics, decapitated heads, and floating balloons to me.  I pray for the day I'm given the opportunity to splash my imagination onto a piece of paper, and watch it come to life...without my internal fear of freaking my grandparents out, ha ha.

You didn't think I'd leave you without music, did you?  This band, called "The Books", was brought to my attention by a dear friend of mine who also has amazing taste in music.  Listen to it.

Guten Nacht.

Doubling it up!

Apologies for last week.  I didn't get a video up!  

Which means this week it'll be double the fun!  The Holiday and birthdays made for a very busy week that left me with no "alone time" to do projects.  I was asked by another youtube user, to do a tutorial of my cover for "Twice" by Little Dragon.  So that will be my first one up this week.  I was thinking of doing a Jessie J song as my other song for this week.  Reservations?  Jessie J can be hella difficult.  Her range is incredible to say the least.  She owns it too.  Jessie J seems like "one of the guys".  Which appeals to me naturally.  I've read that she spends hours each day working on her voice to improve it.  I would love that.  The things I'd love most to invest in, would be a vocal coach, and piano teacher.  My mom taught me a bit growing up, but I want to go...deeper. 

 It seems to get thrown at me all the time, "when you were little, you were SUCH a natural.  These other people trained, and you were either right behind them or beat them...no practice required."  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Holy crap...I never...tried.  Which is what I feel has put me behind other people now that I'm as old as I am.  I look at "Jessie J", and she's younger than me, not by much, but still, she didn't "start" at where she is now.  She worked to get where she is, and she's accomplished so much.  

In other words...I NEED TO GET TO WORK!

Here is my video o' the week.  Enjoy!

Another wonderful summer night :-)

While the rest of Wisconsin seems to be in Madison.  Trying to fight the crowds of the "ever-so-popular" event, "Rhythm and Booms", I get to quietly, once again, sit out on my deck.  Looking at the sky, enjoying the silence.  With a hint of music of course ;-) 

 I think it's important that I share my love of music with you.  Not just any music either.  I dig.  I think the world needs to be made aware of the unique beautiful music that's really out there.  You just have to look for it. No...I'm not referring to the likes of Rihanna...or Katy Perry.  I'll give them props for catchy tunes, and I'll admit to singing along to them at times.  There is always something missing though.  They don't touch me.  I don't stop dead in my tracks when I hear a melody of their song. That internal light doesn't go off saying, "You need to find out who this is".  

Don't worry, I'm not going to list off a page of artists.  Rather I'm going to little by little give a song here and there.  

I came across this little gem not too long ago, while oddly enough watching a TV show called "Revenge".  After hearing some great songs that I had already loved on the show, I was sold anyways.  I'm also always very astonished when I hear bands that are more underground on very mainstream channels.  In this case ABC.  So the video I posted, is a cover done by the Silver Swans, called "Anyone's Ghost".  It was one of those songs where it got me.  Immediately.  On TV shows, they show snippets, but after hearing a small glimpse, I had to find out what this song was.  I hope you'll enjoy as much as I do.  

On another note.  I'm still working on my cover for "Seven Devils" originally by Florence + The Machine.  I'm very excited about getting it done, and showing the world!  

I'll be back next week with my newest video, and to bring you more wonderful music.

Cheers.