As stated in my last blog entry, I was indeed working on a new cover, and here it is!
I've discovered, that the further away the camera is from you, the harder it is for youtube to randomly select an atrocious snapshot for you to choose from!
Anyways, on to more important things. I am fortunate enough to have had a friend of mine from High School (I know! Friends! I'm shocked too.) ask me to perform for an event coming up that will help raise money for a film that her brother is working on. I guess she saw some of my videos up on youtube, and asked if I would participate. So that's good news! I won't deny the fact that I'm terrified.
If you ask me to sing for something, that's no big deal. I've been doing that since I was 3 years old for crowds. Playing piano? Live for the first time? It's a bit nerve wrecking, and most can hear the mistakes I make as one finger accidentally slips onto the wrong key at various points throughout most of my videos! I made a deal with myself though. This year, I'm taking chances. It's not enough to sit in my own head and "wish" and "dream", about the things I want. I have to "do".
All these thoughts, ideas, etc, need action.
So...this is another leap on my list of "do's". Here is a flyer advertising the show coming up in a few weeks:
It'll just be me, my piano, the covers I have put up on youtube, and my plans to debut an original song that I had been working on.
For the original, I had written the lyrics quite some time ago. I remember I thought I had music, I remember sitting at my piano...then I remember nothing at all. In other words, I always start writing music, then I forget it. All. It's incredibly frustrating. Well about 2 weeks ago, a melody started coming to me. Then I flipped back in my little "notebook of lyrics with forgotten melodies", and it fit perfectly. I'm proud to say the melody won't leave me. I keep playing it over and over, and nearly forgot about the ET-Katy Perry cover, that I posted tonight, because completing this song is all I can think about. I have high hopes that I will finish in time....here's hoping!
So I get some alone time to myself tonight. Which as many may know, is a very wonderful and cherished thing.
I'm currently taking a break from darting around in my own mind. Which, yes folks, that means, a new project is underway.
The other night out of curiosity and sheer boredom, I was scrolling through the latest titles on Netflix. Now, I see this Katy Perry, Part of Me, movie up. Naturally, I roll my eyes, and let out one of my infamous *sighs*. Most would never find me giving Ms. Perry's music the time of day. It was however, 2:30 in the morning, and for some reason, I couldn't get to sleep. Me being me, and needing some background noise figured, "well...maybe this'll put me to sleep."
Now while I will say...this movie certainly wasn't noted for its depth. I did, however, connect. I even *teared up* a bit. I come to find, that she had been signed to multiple labels (she started out as a Christian music artist!), and dropped from most. Very few believed in her, and one person took the initiative and willingness to believe in her, and now, well it's Katy Perry. Most anyone who has internet or a television know who she is. Point is, is that here's a young woman. She's failed many times at being recognized or taken seriously as a true artist/performer, and now she's everywhere. All because she knew, this is what she was destined for.
My other point? Is that I was born to love, live, and breathe performing. To this day, no matter how much I doubt myself, I know my purpose in life. Now matter how much the world tells me, "Your goals are unrealistic, and very few could achieve", and a part of me starts to believe it. The idea in my head still won't shake. I won't apologize.
To see someone like her, fail fail fail, achieve! It gave me hope.
So as a hint, yes, it has to do with one of her songs. I won't say which one of course.
All I can say, is that it will most certainly have my twist on it. I just sit down at my piano, and my fingers start moving, and I can already hear the melody in my head. It's all a matter of building from bare bones to something more...complete.
In light of beautiful melodies, Here is a musician that nearly brings me to tears with his melodies. Listen and enjoy.
As mentioned in my last post, a new cover was in the works. Well fortunately, it all came together much sooner than all the other covers I had done. A few weeks ago, I sat down, and I had no plans going in...but for some reason, my fingers just started playing. Once I realized what I was playing, I went to my computer looked up the song, and realized..."Yep...same notes and all!".
Must have been fate.
As always, I change things, and I don't play the songs exactly as you would normally hear them. I like to add, or take things from them. Admittedly, I hadn't listened to this song for quite some time. My music lists are so full of newer things, and still trying to find even MORE new music. (I know...an obsession). For some reason though, this song came to me, and I remembered how much the melody stopped me in my tracks when I had first heard it, and I still like that song to this very day. (obviously)
Apologize - One Republic cover as performed by Raquelashakti
You see, this week is different than others. This week, my husband is hiking the Appalachian trail. Random, right? Things seem to be fairly last minute in this house, and even when there's an idea up in the air, there's normally very little chance that it will actually even happen. Seems not too long ago, my entire little family took an adventure to Florida!
Alas, we were financially able for once (which never happens), and the timing worked out great...which also never happens. So I'm happy for him. I'm also happy for myself too. Everyone needs their alone time, right? Since my husband has changed shifts at his job, the night is no longer mine. I used to get a few hours every night to myself. During this time, I would work on music, my blog, etc, etc. Well when there's someone a foot away from you at all times now during "your time", it makes finding time for those things rather difficult.
If anyone knows me at all, I'm a creature who thrives on my alone time. A time for silence, and creativity. Just a few hours to be in my own head with no interruptions. Up until the day I got married, I wasn't the girl who spent every minute with her friends. I came home and spent hours holed up in my room. My music was blasting, and I had no interaction with anyone for just a few hours. The great thing, is that everyone in my house respected that about me. I would normally go upstairs for dinner, and my mom would be up there, and we'd sit at the table, eat our dinner, talk for quite some time. Then I'd return downstairs, and she'd do her own thing too. That was always something, and still to this day that I've always appreciated. Either my mom is very much the same, or she just realized who I was, trusted I wasn't some "angsty" teen with a drug problem (which I assure you, I was not.), and just left me alone. Being there when I needed her, and keeping her distance when I needed that as well.
So when you have social children, and a social husband...it can be..."mentally demanding". I love them all to death. They are my most favorite people in the world. I do the best I can from 7:30 am until 8:30 pm. After that, I am mentally drained. So those few hours to shut down are crucial for me. I do, however, loathe sleeping alone. It certainly is a wonderful thing to have a husband who is probably the most comfortable human being in the world.
I'm glad we both get this chance. I'm glad he's off in the wilderness doing what he loves. "Roughing it", as I would say. I try to imagine what he's currently seeing, and I can't help but wonder if he's taking a deep breath of some fresh night air right now. In a weird way, I feel like I can experience it with him, even though I'm not there. The smells, the breezes, the sights, all small pieces of nature that bring a smile to my face. I just imagine he feels the same way, and rather than be sad that he's not here, I just think of these things, and think "He's probably having the time of his life", and I'm literally overwhelmed with happiness.
So I make this most of this time, and enjoy myself, while I'm sure he is as well.
This time alone, means more time to work on music, this blog, and getting our girls out on more adventures!
Well folks, looks like I'm finally able to post in my blog again. Due to something I'm not sure of, I kept trying to click to post a new blog entry...and for whatever reason my internet refused to go to the "post a new entry" page. Fortunately things are back up and running!
Well, for months, I had been working on Lana Del Rey's, "National Anthem", as I had mentioned before. For me things like this are a long process. A very long...tedious process. Not to mention how long it takes to get a full shot where I make no mistakes. Admittedly I finally settled, and put up a video that has a few errors that hopefully for the most part go unnoticed. They do, however, completely irk me, and I just don't watch the video, ha ha. It came down to me trying to not be a nuisance and have my husband closed off in our bedroom for hours (Yes..literally hours) while I was trying to get a shot I found acceptable.
This is what I finally ended up with:
Lana Del Rey's "National Anthem" cover. Performed by Raquelashakti
I could go over the process of how I begin to create and finally decide I've completed a song, but we'd be here all day. Also, it's nothing genius.
I had a lot of fun with this song. Even when there were parts that made me want to throw something through the window because my inexperienced fingers kept screwing up, I still had fun. I also changed what I was playing a million times. My favorite part is the bridge. That is the one part where I feel I really added "my touch", and the final part that I had changed just the week before. It didn't feel right until I fixed that part.
One thing that I must announce, is that this video is my very first video featuring my new piano! Yippee!!! The husband had me pick it out for my birthday. I nearly cried when I received it. I feel like a spoiled brat saying that I just couldn't "work" with the old keyboard I used to have. Everything I did on it, just didn't feel complete. When I would go and use my mom's upright piano at her house though, the inspiration was just...there. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but for some reason, that's just how I work. Fortunately, this new piano stirs up the same inspirations, and I genuinely enjoy playing again. It also helps that the keys are weighted, and that all 88 keys are there! It's really a feeling I can't explain. I thought I had my next cover planned, but once I finished "National Anthem", I sat down, and immediately started playing a song I had never tried playing, and hadn't listened to in such a long time. Going by memory, I was pretty sure I was playing the right notes. Of course me, doubting my terrible terrible memory. I go to put the song on, and lo' and behold for once my memory had not betrayed me. Oddly enough I had the notes in the exact key as the original recording. So I am excited to say that I now have a new little project on my hands (hee hee..a pun).
Of course I never like to announce before hand. So once again, you all will have to wait until I am finished, and the video is posted.
I'm always one to leave things as a "surprise". :-)
There's never enough time. Never enough money, but there are always more than enough excuses.
Earlier this year, a friend that I knew in high school passed away. In the moments that I shared with this friend, I learned what it was like to just "breathe" and let things happen. Go with the flow. Well after nearly 9 years, a marriage, and 2 kids later, I nearly lost sight of anything pertaining to such a thing as "being spontaneous".
My world revolves around complete routine, a very strict budget, and getting each kid from one place to the next. There isn't much room for taking any risks when you live everyday exactly the same. Even on any family vacations, I've always had from the time we've woken up, to the time our heads hit the pillow at night completely scheduled out. Which means, if there is any detail that strays from the plan, I would get so angry. I don't like when my plans change. Everything is supposed to be "perfect".
Well a few months ago, I had a rude awakening. Or you could even call it an epiphany. The most spontaneous friend I had, died suddenly while biking across the country. He was struck by a van within' 5 miles of his destination. (He biked from Wisconsin, all the way to Louisiana). Immediately my first though was, "How sad! He never made it, and he's so young!" (he was a week from turning 26 years old)
Then it dawned on me. He died doing something he loved. He was happy.
This whole occurrence made me stop and look at my own life. I don't want to die miserable. I want to take chances, I want to have really lived my life. Not just coast through!
I haven't felt truly free in so long. First off, let me just say, it has nothing to do with being married, and especially not because I'm a mother. Those are things (especially being a mom) that have made me a better person by far. I started questioning everything about myself. I started realizing how I haven't done what I've always wanted to do, and (aside from being a performer) that was to just travel. No, not book some fully planned trip the way I always had. Just get up, and go, and have no real destination. No booking any hotels. You just sleep wherever you are able to find a room, and if you can't find a room, then I guess the car is the next option.
So now we go back to the middle of March. I realize that in one week, the girls will be having their spring break. Our family has been under quite some stress for numerous months, and I think to myself, "....well Jade won some of those free waterpark passes in the Dells. I guess we can do that one of those days?". Then I recall my husband saying how he'd like to eventually take a week to road trip to spread his dad's ashes. So there I had it. Of course this was no easy task for myself.
"Do we have enough money?? Where will we go?? Where will we sleep?? Can I even STAND to be in a car for more than 2 hours?? I am terrible driving at night..especially places that I don't know!". Then I thought of my friend, and quickly all those worries and fears were squashed. I said a very quiet, "F-it, we're going on a road trip. My husband can decide the whereabouts.".
In that instant, I decided to abandon all control, and just decided to go for it.
I cannot tell you how excited I was. For the first time in so long, I had that feeling of freedom back in my clutches. I was alive again. Once I changed my mindset, I was able to enjoy it every step of the way. I'm sure my husband thought I had lost it. I remember requesting off at work, then sending him a text saying, "I requested off until April 8th. The girls are on Spring Break that week, so we can do the road trip to spread Dale's ashes then. If we don't do it now, we'll never get to it.". After some questioning and even some of the same fears that I had, he also had. He then also squashed any reservations. Next thing you know, we tell the kids the morning of, that we're taking a road trip. We were hoping to make it down to Florida and back within' our 7 day time frame.
Needless to say, we made it. We were fortunate enough to not have any issues of any sort along the way. We found a hotel room every night that we were down there. Even with it being Spring Break! We ended up in Sarasota, Fl. Then the next day we ventured to Marco Island. One of my favorite parts, is that we managed to get a hold of my brother who was transferred to Georgia after joining the Army. We drove to Savannah, Georgia, and met them for dinner. Stopping in Georgia wasn't even part of the agenda. Florida was the main focus. I'm so glad we were able to incorporate it into our trip. I completely fell in love with Savannah's historical charm. I also really wanted to do a Ghost tour in one of the super fun looking trolley's! ha ha. That of course will have to be saved for another visit. After that, we ventured back home.
I will say, after being in Florida and Georgia, having to go back to Wisconsin was rough! I am glad, however, to be back home. The girls did a fantastic job all those hours in the car. I really, honestly, expected major melt downs. There was no such thing though, it was such a great family experience...and it was spontaneous! ha ha
The girls doing a great job in the car...almost to Florida!
Had to find entertainment somehow!
Thank God...finally in Florida!
Siesta Key Beach (Sarasota, Fl.)
More Siesta Key Beach
I like to take pics of the places that I have "set foot". Siesta Key Beach.
Yep. Me.
Still Siesta Key Beach.
Now at Marco Island!
A hermit crab...still residing in there!
Marco Island.
Savannah, Ga! Down at the Riverwalk.
Of course, an "Alice" reference every place I go...
Savannah, Ga. River Walk.
The devilishly handsome young man is my nephew!!!
You can't go in the South, and not visit a Waffle House!
Well I'm back folks. I feel that in the past I have bragged too much about never getting sick, and now since December, I've been sick about every few weeks. I finally feel fully back to health, and I hope it stays that way!
This week the song I have chosen to sing, is "Body Electric", by Lana Del Rey.
If you couldn't already tell, I've been listening to Lana and Marina pretty much non-stop. Which leads me to realize I need to find other artists to cover. I think the reason I go back and forth so much with the two of them, is because Marina is everything I feel I can relate to. Lana is everything I never had the courage to do, and was always curious about.
My parents should be proud. I was such a good girl, and the epitome of the "D.A.R.E." student. With the exception of going places that I shouldn't have been going when I said I would be at my friends' house. At least my morals still remained intact. Deep inside every good girl, however, lurks a curiosity that longs to see how the other half lives. Even if the "good girl" makes snide remarks about that other half. She'll always wonder. I think that's why Lana appeals to me.
I can sing like I know exactly what she's talking about, but I have no idea. I heard that she was an alcoholic and shipped off to a boarding school by the age of 14. Can you imagine??? Not this girl. I didn't even know about most foreplay, or the details of it at that point. Especially at the age I'm at now, 14 seems like such a little baby! I'm 25 by the way...and pretty soon here will be 26. I am not excited. For various reasons.
To clarify, I have no regrets. I like who I was, and who I am. I could never be a "Lana". In fact the very idea of it actually makes me get that feeling you get when you feel like you've been kicked in the stomach. It's just nice to wonder.
"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad."
We all seem to think that we're somehow in control of what happens around us. That no tragic events could happen so close to home. So often in life, we're proven so wrong.
This morning my dad called me. The man knows I sleep in any chance I can get, but that doesn't stop him from calling early. On a day like today, I was grateful that he did. Instead of me dozing back off into dreamland, he continued to send me text messages, and for some reason I decided to remain conscious enough to keep responding. Then in that mix somewhere, I start getting other texts. I look over at my husband, and remark, "Gah, I'm getting so many texts...just kill me.". Yes, I know, I'm a delightful human being.
Well, it was no longer my dad, but a friend of mine, letting me know that a friend of mine from high school has passed away.
When someone delivers news like that, it makes no sense to me. I try to comprehend the situation, but I can't.
She then calls, and reads the article she found online. He was of course biking around down south, and was hit, and pronounced dead at the scene.
He loved bikes. It feels like just yesterday that he took me to a bike shop, so that he could scope out different models, and explain the different features to me. Everything that we did together all feels like it happened such a short time ago. The unfortunate reality, is that it has been years since I've seen him, or even spoken to him.
It's not until someone passes that you realize the mistakes you've made, and the wrongs you've committed towards them.
We went everywhere together. What I loved though, is that it was never anything extravagant. He was the one who introduced me to Strawberry pie ala mode, and of course with a cup of coffee at a little truck stop diner near our town. I kid you not, when I say that is the best pie I've ever had. After we'd eat there, he'd take me to the park next door, and we'd lay out and look at the sky, discussing life. He took me to local music shows in the basements of college students in Madison. He introduced me to a whole new realm of music. He's the one who crashed prom, and rescued me from it's overly-hyped, mundane world, and said, "Let's go to the Orpheum! They're playing "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" there tonight, and there will be people acting it out!". Well I, as well as another friend of mine went, and it was so much better than prom, I assure you. He also introduced me and a friend of mine to dumpster diving.
In other words, he was key in introducing me to a whole new world of experiences. He took the shy, reserved, and very routine girl that I was, and he introduced "spontaneity" into my world. I probably had the most crazy fun I've ever had in my life doing priceless things.
The only way I can describe the moments I shared with him, was like running free through a windy meadow with no one else around. Free to just breathe, and think.
Well I destroyed that. As swift as a slap in the face, I shut him out.
You see, there are girls like me. The bitter ones who trust no one. I'm one of those girls that sees an ending to any good relationship, and will just end up alone anyways. So why try? Just push them away before things get too serious, make them think you're a bitch, and then they'll leave you alone.
I don't think there is any way that I can express how horrible I feel now about that.
I will never forget the day, that he came in to my work and asked me to the "Homecoming dance", (which was something very....not us.) in front of his friends, and I very unapologetically turned him down, saying I was going with someone else. I saw his face sink, and he asked, "....Who asked you?". I pointed to the boy bagging the groceries at the end of the check-out lane next to us. That boy who was bagging, is now my husband. I of course tried hard to push him away too, but that's a different story for a different day.
I sabotaged that relationship, by completely coming out of nowhere as a bitch. He later ended up in the same class as my now-husband. I guess he confided that he didn't understand what happened. That he really thought we would end up together.
Well ever since that day, we haven't spoken a word to each other, because I'm a cold, heartless bitch.
I truly regret doing that to him. My only hope, is that he lived a happy and free life. I heard he lived in various part of the US, and just biked everywhere. I truly hope he was happy. I hope he found love, and that they were both good to each other.
He was so young, too young to pass on, but from the type of person he was, I'm sure he lived more than anyone else.
