Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad!!!

I will admit to feeling an awful lot like Charlie Brown this year.  I didn't get that magical sensation I normally get when roaming the aisles of department stores, and looking through the aisles of  Christmas Decor.  Every toy that my kids would see, was sure to go on the "list" to Santa.  While watching my two daughters excitedly discuss  how excited they were for Santa and Presents, I couldn't help but feel a little depressed.  There are people out there starving to death, and my kids are hoping they get something as senseless as a "Lalaloopsy" doll.  Every gift that they would open, was just another thing they didn't need.  Every gift was just another thing to take up space in their room, where the toy bins are already overflowing to begin with.  

A part of me feels guilty for saying these things.  I mean, I remember being a kid.  I was taught that the main reason for celebration, was Jesus' birthday.  I have also taught my kids this same thing.   As well as spending time with family, etc, etc.  I do, however, hate to emphasize on the presents.  Admittedly as a child though, the presents were all I cared about.  When I think of the tiny human being I was, I think to myself, "Wow, I was a brat.".  Now we were poor.  We were still blessed though.  I was fortunate to have a mom who worked three jobs, and unfortunately would skip meals, just so she could make sure WE got fed.  She never ever made us feel like we were poor though.  I give her much credit for that.  When Christmas came around, we'd open our presents from Santa, and I remember my mom saying, "OK, now pick one toy, to donate to a child in need."  I remember loathing her for this.  There I was, this little girl, a nice warm home, food to eat, and a tree with presents underneath, and I didn't want to give away even one lousy toy to a child who had nothing.  

I think a part of that haunts me to this day.  Which I feel has led me to feel this way.  I'm also terrified that my kids will think the same thing.  So in the midst of all the smiles, and laughter, all I could do was worry, that my kids were going to become spoiled brats who appreciate nothing, and all they'll ever want is more.  

Before anyone gets their panties ruffled, I did not express my sadness about the whole "present" thing to my kids.  I let them, as well as everyone around me enjoy their presents and food.  

I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and that we take this time to appreciate the blessings that God has given us, and to also remember, that it is not, in fact, about the things we received.  

Here is this weeks video, with me singing another one of my favorite Christmas songs!

O Come O Come Emmanuel - Raquelashakti

Joyeux Noel!

Girl, Interrupted.

Girl, Interrupted monologue as Lisa.

(I will say, that for the first time in history, I'm happy with a thumbnail that youtube has sporadically chosen for me.  Pretty perfect for the scene if I must say so myself!)

There comes that time in a students life, where you are assigned to work with a partner on a project.  Or in my case, a scene.  Now what many introverts will understand, is that, this is a horrible pain.   Am I going to get that highly dedicated partner who works hard to memorize their lines?  Who is willing to give it their all?  Of course not.  I had the partner who "didn't want to do this, or that", and the night before says, "Yeah...I don't really have it memorized....it's coming pretty slow."  This partner also did not show up for one of our graded performances leaving me with points deducted from the grade book.  

So that little video above, is what we call a "make-up" for that missed performance, and I most definitely was not going to try and re-do that performance.  NOT with a partner.  The thing I never understood, is that, in today's society, they encourage working in groups in class.  They also encourage the same in work environments.  What I see, and what my mind automatically jumps to when hearing, "GROUP PROJECT!", is:  "Oh crap...now I'm going to be left finishing up, or improvising for the work they didn't do."  So forgive me for being completely agitated when this subject is brought up, but the responsible parties in the situation always seem to get dumped on, and are left either getting "docked" points, or almost handicapped because their good ol' partner decided not to show, or do his/her part.  

Ugh!

On a plus side, I love doing monologues to begin with.  So the work I needed to do to make-up for lost points was actually fun.  I had no idea what monologue I was going to do to begin with.  I enjoy crazy characters, so I typed that in in google, and there were some decent ones, but none that really stuck to me.  Then I searched Femme Fatales, because I've always wanted to play something like that.  I mean, we all know my favorite villain of all time is Tim Burton's Catwoman (played by Michelle Pfeiffer) right?  I love that bad ass, sexy but sadistic character.  The type of woman who you would think is up for grabs, but at the last second her stiletto is against your throat with the reminder that no one can have her. 

Well somewhere in this mix, I came across Girl, Interrupted, which I saw many years ago, and loved.  So I decided, "Heck yes!".  I love Angelina Jolie, who also tends to take on the bad ass sexy female role.  I didn't remember which monologue was hers, but found it, and right then and there decided to do it.  While I will warn many, the content is explicit, and never something I'd say to anyone in my life.  The topic is just all around disturbing to me.  I love performing it.  Weird right?  Like many actors/actresses will probably tell you, "It's just fun to play someone that isn't yourself for a change."  It is Acting after all....and not real life.  

Well that's all I have for tonight, so take care all.

Au Revoir.

(Here are the songs I listened to prior to performing to get myself in the right...mindset.)

Lulled by Number - IAMX

Rush Minute - Massive Attack

Enjoy!

Now you're just somebody that I used to know...

Haha!  Look at that awesome picture chosen for my video thumbnail...yikes!

Don't worry, there's no need to call an exorcist.  I just have a gift for pulling off such facial expressions.  

Anyways, this week I've chosen, Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye ft. Kimbra.  This is another one of those fun and catchy songs.  I'm sure anyone can join me in appreciating Gotye's voice, which, in my humble opinion, is very reminiscent of Stings voice.  Love it.   I'm not %100 sure if this is valid, but I heard Gotye wrote and produced this song in his parents barn.  How amazing is that?  

So many of us think you need all this money to make it in the world, when in fact, so many stars today have very humble beginnings.  A part of me wants to wave a flag in the air saying, "Hey!  I'm poor as Hell, how about giving me a record deal or putting me in a movie, and I'll be some great success story for ya!".  The unfortunate reality is that I feel so invisible to the rest of the world.  No matter how loud I scream, no one looks over to see what all the fuss is about.  It kind of makes me feel like that town loony who walks around talking to herself, and people just whisper behind her back, but make no connection that that is an actual person.  

I remember being a young girl, and having family lunches every single Sunday.  I hated those.  Now as an adult, I miss them, but at that age, I tried so hard to talk.  Tried so hard to make myself heard, and NO ONE knew I was even trying to speak!  So when you spend your life being invisible you really start to wonder....Will anyone ever "see" me?!?!

Invisible or not, this voice in my head just tells me to, "Keep going.  Don't stop.  Never stop.".  I kid you not, it feels like a strong force inside myself, that leaves me with no choice to do otherwise, or I'll end up feeling incredibly guilty.  A definite obligation. 

Do you think I like performing for a wall?  I mean, don't get me wrong....I sing to myself, act to myself, and yes, I even talk to myself on a daily basis, but that's something different entirely.  Putting up a video, sending it into the "Internet", just seems strange.  It's like it's all floating out there, and I have no control over it.  At least within' my own four walls, I still feel safe.  

Well anyways, enough of that, I'm off for the night.

Hasta Luego.

Nothing is provocative anymore, even for kids....

This weeks video is not what you may think.  While the title may put you in shock, or peak your curiosity, it's just one of those songs you'll have to listen to for yourself, to find the actual meaning.  

This song is entitled "Sex Yeah", by Marina and the Diamonds.

Upon seeing the track listing for Marina and the Diamonds newest album "Electra Heart", this title jumped out!  Automatically my mind jumped to nearly what every other pop star out there is singing about today.  I mean we've got pop stars acting like "naughty little girls", who like it hard, and love that bondage.  By all means, express yourself, but this is not what I would have expected from Marina.  Fortunately when I finally got the chance to listen to this song, and to it's lyrics, I was refreshed.  My favorite line in the song?  

"Tired image of a star, acting naughtier than we really are."

We've all heard the stories of those super hot girls who walk into a nightclub looking like a prostitute, and go home with random men.  What most never expect is that upon bringing the girl home, she turns out to be a prude!  Or, just isn't good in the sack because something is holding her back.  Maybe it's just me that these stories get back to, but it definitely happens.  We as women, often times think we need to be these life-size blow-up dolls to please men.  To never say "no", in order to make a guy like us.  When in reality, a lot of the women who do this just have low self-esteem, and are trying to find a way to make someone love them.  

With many of today's pop stars, it's almost the same thing.  They wear barely anything, and will do anything, just to make someone love them.  To make fans notice them.  To get more money.  Whatever the reason may be, to me these stars just look like painted up plastic fantasies created by a group of people telling them what to do.  People who want them to just sell sex and get them more money, because that's all that matters, right?  (note the sarcasm there)

So this is what I love about Marina.  From her last album to now, she's made various comments about this issue.  If there was anyone who could really make money off of their....endowments...it'd be Marina, trust me.  I have yet to see her flaunting it all about to make a buck.  So once again, kudos to you Marina.  

Enjoy the video, and Au Revoir!