Thursday, September 20, 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Gone Away

This weeks video is "Gone Away" by My Brightest Diamond...again.  When you watch the video, you'll see...I just like that word.  

For anyone who is too lazy to look up the original, here's the original version.  Watch it!  Love it!  

On another note.  Things are looking up in a way.  I got a few extra bucks for school, so I said to myself, "God Dang it.  I'm getting myself a pair of shoes.  I bleeping deserve it."  
Oh...and not just any pair of shoes, some new heels!  (of course)

So that has me satisfied for now.  After months of barely being able to buy food, it was just nice to take myself and my girls out and get us some new items of clothing.  

I have a feeling that this year will start looking up.  Can't tell you why, I just have this feeling in my gut. I tell you one thing.  Until you've been there, never judge that person you see in front of you that has food stamps, or WIC or whatever other assistance program.  Unless of course they're buying cigarettes, candy, etc, and no real food.  Then by all means, go ahead and think to yourself that their priorities are jacked up.  Especially if they have children.  

So many people just think, "Oh that person needs to get a job, what a leech".  etc, etc.  Believe me, "getting a job", or a better paying one for that matter, is just not as easy as one would think.  I was a Receptionist at a highly recognized Corporation, and known for being a good worker, and was promoted multiple times.  Well my husband had to go away for a year because he joined the Air Force, and needed to do Basic Training and Tech School.  Which gave him the idea that I should be a stay-at-home mom.  It was great, and it worked out very well.  The military paid a pretty good amount.  At least enough for us to live on while I stayed home.  Then that ends, and my husband comes back to his job managing at a grocery store.  Things are still OK at that point...but then he loses his job.  We fortunately had some cushion to get by while he was unemployed for a month, and no, he did not collect unemployment.  Well he finally found a job in a factory..that pays pretty terribly.  The reason is because he's a temp.  This is where things get rough.  Pretty soon I'm searching for at least a part-time job (on top of everything else going on!)  I applied for the type of job which is exactly what I was doing before I left to stay home with my kids.  No call.  So I lowered my bar of expectations.  A clothing store at the mall.  No call.  Bar lowers.  The type of job that pays the bare minimum that you can pay someone in the state of Wisconsin.  No call.  Fortunately something opened up at a Library nearby, that makes me not even care that the money isn't much.  It's genuinely nice to work there.  At least the bit that I do make, can take care of some bills.  So that's something.  The ol' husband, is still a temp, and is still hoping to get hired on, or hoping to find something better.  Unfortunately that's just more no calls, and calls of rejection.  

So next time you think that there must be something wrong with someone who relies on the government programs made available to them.  Think again.  I understand there are people who abuse privileges, but not everyone does.  How does one solve this problem?  Honestly, I think programs that are here to help people, should make sure that they are actually "helping" people.  Instead of people abusing it, and buying things that are, if anything, putting them in even worse health!  Which I suppose means, stricter standards.  Sure it'd be inconvenient, but if it's made free to you, there's really no room for complaint.  

I could go into a whole other point on kids, but I'll just sum it up this way:  No child should ever have to suffer because of their parents struggling to make ends meet, or because their parent is stupid with no priorities.  

This year of struggle has taught me one thing if anything.  When you get so much money, that you don't know what to do with it all, don't go buy more bags and shoes that you'll only wear once.  Use it to help people.  

Originally, my idea for when I reached my goals, was to set up shelters for abuse victims and counseling to help them.  Which I would still like to do.  This years lesson has taught me though, that with all the starving people in the world.  They just need a meal!  I would love to set up more food shelters, and homeless shelters.  It has become abundantly clear that so many people need help, and they aren't getting it, or don't have access to it.  

So if I reach fame, I don't need a however many millions of dollars home.  Just give me a shack on the beach, my husband and girls, and a hand to help others with.  

Guten Nacht.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I can't seem to get it through your head, that I'll always love you.

I'm baaaaaack!  

Sorry for not posting last week, I just started going back to school, so things are CRAZY!  I'm literally running and am busy from sun up to sun down now, so I really have to work to find some extra time to keep up my project here!

Anyways, the song I decided to sing this week is called "Something of an End" by My Brightest Diamond.  I first heard this song via my google tv on a special app that we have called (very similar to pandora).  As soon as this song came on, I was entranced.  The instrumentals were beautiful, and the variation and melody changes through out made me fall in love.  Shara (singer) has amazing vocals that are filled with so much passion.  She is truly talented, and most definitely deserves more recognition.  

So that video up there = my attempt.  

On another note, I said above how I've been so busy.  I've also gotten a job fairly recently.  I think I said this before.  I work at a library.  I love it.  I make no money, but being able to walk around for hours in silence is pure bliss.  Believe it or not, but I love to sit and think.  That's it, just to think.  Well obviously, when you work in a library, you come across many interesting books.  My favorite section would have to be up in the non-fiction section, but mostly the area where there are books of people who have worked towards fame.  Classic movie stars like Audrey Hepburn and Bette Davis.  Writing about their life, fame, etc.  Every time I stock books for that section, I sneak and take a little time to peek through the books.  Letting my daydreams flood my mind, and getting completely lost.  With every single book I stock, I look at every Author's name, and if they have a picture of themselves on the book.  I feel like this helps me get to know them on a more personal level, and I fantasize about who they were before becoming recognized.  I wonder if they were just like me, in a small library, stocking books, with little money, and big dreams.  I wonder what their doubts and fears were.  I know they're only human, not some super being, but we all get the idea that once someone is a "celebrity" they're no longer like us.  Then I wonder, when I accomplish my dreams, will someone look at me and think the same thing?  Could I become an inspiration to someone??  I certainly hope so.  I really do.  Right now what I see for my future is one big brick wall.  For a little over a  year now, my brain has been thrown for a loop.  I used to be so sure of everything!  Not anymore.  That luxury is far from gone.  When I try to consider career options, the ONLY thing that comes to mind is my artistic abilities.  I need to use them.  When and how that will happen, that is my brick wall.


On another note, as part of one of my speech credits for school, I am taking an Acting class.  I love it.  It's actually incredibly hard in the sense that it pushes you out of your comfort zone.  I, for example, do not like making eye contact with people.  Can I tell you how many times I have had to stare into some strangers eyes and make note of all their facial features while being anywhere from 1 to 3 feet away from them??  IT'S AWKWARD!  It's also good for me.  I enjoy being pushed and challenged.  I think it's important to keep evolving yourself, rather than sit in a rut.  We also got to choose monologues.  I of course chose the "rough around the edges" taxi drivin' woman from the Brooklyn, who is 30.  Yay for getting to use a Brooklyn accent!  My mama would be so proud ;-)

~Au Revoir~