Dare I say it?
I guess I just did.
Why is it, that when I feel my lowest, or when I feel the most unsure about life, that I get the most inspiration? Do I feed off depression? Do I like being depressed? As much of an oxymoron as that is.
Or is that just who I am? A quiet, low-rev, melancholy being? While the rest of the world is in a panic, and getting on Prozac to keep from feeling this way. I revel in it. I think it's OK to allow yourself to feel, and yes, even in darkest times. Instead of making the worst of it...gain inspiration from it. Write down on a piece of paper how you feel. It's OK, really, I promise you. Even if what you write it horrible, embarrassing, or childish. Do it. I dare you.
Thing is, it is what you do with it. You can, like me, choose to share with the world. Or you can rip that paper up, throw it away, or burn it if you'd like. Either way, writing it down feels great. Even as introverts, we need a way to get what we feel out. Instead of telling a person/people who will tell you a plethora of things you already know, or just don't bleeping listen. Write it down. Or make a song! We need an outlet too. It's just harder to call someone up, and voice what is wrong. It's always much easier to write. In my personal opinion.
What has me in this slump? I can't even tell you. I wake up, and today my brain just says, "Alright Rachel, today, you're going to "hate life", and question everything in it. You're going to remember everything that has ever haunted you, and yes, there will be tears....HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!"
*Bleep* you brain...*bleep* you...
So all today, while I'm thinking, I decide, OK, you know what, let's shop. Since I can't buy anything, I just "window shop"...*insert sarcastic "yay" here*....
While I'm out, I realize even more what is wrong with the world. How, terrible a pair of jeans that are too tight look much worse that a pair of well-fitted jeans on even the greatest of bodies, and even more disturbing, how sexualized they make children's clothes nowadays.
No. I am not going to send my child to school with the phrase "Hot" on her ass. Nor would I send my teenager to school with that. In fact, that's freakin' forbidden, and if she doesn't like it. Her option from there on out is the good ol' burlap sack. I kid you not.
So back to my point...what is wrong with this world!!!! Maybe us "melancholy folk" aren't what's wrong here. Maybe it's the in your face, pushed up boobs, overly friendly, fake, too body conscious, individuals who have been setting the standards for way too long. I fear for my children. I really do.
*rant rant rant*
On to another thing that I've been seriously re-thinking. It's my youtube videos. Not so much the videos, but the schedule itself. While the songs I've been singing, I do love. I'm just not sure singing them makes me honest. While quite literally every song I have sang I can relate to, or would have written myself. They are someone else's words. Making sure I get one up each week, has made the whole process seem "cheapened" to me. The thing I'm unsure of, is my vow to put one up each week. I made that vow, so to go back on it, hurts internally. I also think I need to put up my own music. I know right? Scary. I just feel that in the long run, that'll be the right thing to do. What will actually gain me some recognition. Being honest with the audience about what I would actually want to do. Make the music I actually would want to make.
*thoughts thoughts thoughts*
I guess we'll have to see.
In the mean time. Here are some songs that I'm loving currently while in this mood of mine:
Enjoy. Au Revoir.