Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Never done this before

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing, and I never seem to know what to say until I start typing. So it may all seem random, and ramble somewhat. So that is the reason I chose the current title.

So I get to watch the season Finale of Dexter tonight. Has anyone else been following this show? Amazing. I'm not sure another show has ever had me this hooked. So I must thank the dear friend that started me on this to begin with. Like with many new things, I hesitate to start in the first place, and once I see how amazing it is, I feel shameful for being so stupid to put it off.

The more I watch Dexter, the more I feel like "gee, there's someone out there who feels the same way"...well you know, minus the whole killing thing. The last episode I watched, Rita was going on about how he's so "in his head", how he's afraid to show people "who he really is". To this day, my husband is the only person who sees me. The only person I don't feel I have to put on an act for. I'm 22, and I still have no clue how to mask my awkwardness at times. Working in customer service has done wonders for me, I'll admit to that. I can at least pretend like I enjoy other peoples presence, and some people I genuinly do. About 99% of those people though...nope. I'd much rather be left alone, and not have to talk to anyone. All these years, I keep asking myself, "what's wrong with me?" "Why don't I ever fit in?" "Why can NO ONE understand why I do the things I do, say the things I say". I still will get in the middle of a group of girls, and I'll say something, and everyone will just stop and look at me like I'm a freak. It's quite strange, and I still can't figure out why. So Dexter..I understand you. haha.

So that's part of introducing myself. Interests..well I love music, I started singing for an audience at the age of 3, and sang for my first wedding at the age of 10. I also love acting, even though I've only done 1 play that was back in highschool. I loved it. It came so naturally, and I long, more than anything, to be on the big screen one day. For so long I've lived in fear of "what if I don't make it?" well screw that. I WILL make it. I live in a bit of a podunk town, so resources are a bit limited, but I NEED to do what I was born/groomed/made to do. I'm a quiet girl, who really doesn't care for most people, but lives to perform for all of them. I want to be up there by myself on a stage, and do what I like, and be able to think, "I don't care what you think. either take it or leave it." It's my destiny. Only problem, is that I don't know how to get there yet. God keeps telling me, "be patient, be patient..work on your weaknesses first", but I'm still wondering, how, when, what??!! BE PATIENT! It will happen soon enough. Another interest of course, is fashion. I don't know if I'm any good at it, but I do love it so much. It was just another thing that made me stand apart in school. Another thing that all the kids gave me confused looks for, but I loved it. It was me.

No comments:

Post a Comment