Life on the disconnected side.

I still remember the panic that set in when we got the "Disconnect" notice from our internet provider.  Thoughts of, "What will I watch?", "How can I keep putting videos up?", "What if someone needs to get a hold of me?".  Well it's been about two months now, I believe, and I'm OK.  I haven't put any holes in the walls from banging my head against them out of sheer boredom.  I'm not enduring sleepless nights, and cold sweats for fear that I'll never get my "fix". 

 

What I have realized, is that I'm better off. 

 

Sure, it's inconvenient.  Especially when you're an introvert who prefers to keep things over email rather than an actual phone conversation.  I think the biggest impact for me, is that I can't freely search for music the way I used to.  That one point still bothers me a lot actually, but I will make do. 

 

This internet vacation, has taught me a few things. 

 

1.  How stupid and mindless and repetitive most TV shows are.

2.  How much more I can accomplish when I'm not sitting on Pinterest for hours. 

3.  Facebook really does not matter, and no, no one cares about what you ate for dinner.

4.  Between "selfies", snapchat, vine...instagram...gah, we're all a bunch of self-centered a$$holes!

5.  The more time I have to sit and look at clothing sites, the more money I will want to spend on clothes, shoes, etc.

6.  That this is all a vicious cycle.  A society full of people with their faces glued to their TV's, computers, smartphones, rather than observing the beautiful colors of a trees leaves in Fall, or engaging in meaningful conversation with your children who will one day not want to bother engaging in anything with you. 

7.  We're just a bunch of consumers, and all the advertising companies are just interested in our dollars. 

 

My husband and I never had cable throughout our whole marriage.  That is one way I was happy we were cut off from the world.  When I visit anyone's house, and they put TV on, I would say 60% of what I see are commercials.  Then if you're lucky, you get about 5 min. of the actual show, then it's back to a commercial. 

 

The amount of sex appeal used in marketing is appalling.  Even Burger King is trying to "sex-up" their burgers....what??  (Just watch the Heidi Klum burger Ad)

 

I don't like to play the paranoid card, but I feel like I was being made into a mindless pawn, and that, that was the exact intention.  I found myself watching shows that tried to make an adulterous relationship look "innocent", and that it was "true love".  All because I loved the fashion in it!  Cheating is a whole different topic for a whole different day, but something that I in no way support.  Ever. 

 

I hope people wise up to this.   I hope that we see the messages that are innocently snuck into our homes, and are polluting our minds.  I really hope that we put down our damn phones, and give our loved ones the attention they deserve before it's too late.  I also hope (and I'm certainly not innocent of this) that we stop buying so much unnecessary junk when there are people all over the world who are starving to death. 

This all makes me feel ashamed, and I hope to one day contribute vastly in order to make the changes that this world needs.

 

Here, have some music, and Merry Christmas.

 

Oh, and see what I mean about those Ads?

I know there's better Brothers, but you're the only one that's mine.

Didn't think I went anywhere did ya? 

 

Due to some inconveniences, I no longer have internet at home.  So I'm now in the dark ages.  Which also means I have to be a bit more resourceful when updating my blog/youtube videos. 

 

 

For my latest cover, I chose "Brother" by Murder by Death.  This is just one of those infectious songs that you have to sing along to, because trust me, it gets stuck in your head (check out the original version). 

 

I still remember being a young and hopeful, yet gloomy teenager, and seeing Murder By Death live for the first time.  I of course was inspired by Sarah, the female Cellist.  She's up there in a group of men, just entranced by the music.  I see a lot of females in groups like this who try too hard to stand out, who try to be sexy, or try too hard to seem "Bad Ass".  With Sarah, she seemed as an equal.  She's part of the band, just as much as every other person up on that stage, regardless of looks and gender.  I appreciated her subtle yet commanding performance.  Not to mention she absolutely shreds that cello. 

 

This is quite a ways back when they were touring with their CD, Who Will Survive, and What will be left of them? To this day, that is still my most favorite album.  It's hard to believe that it has now been a decade since I first discovered them!  I owe my gratitude to my brother for really opening my eyes up to all sorts of genres of music, and really pushing me into all sorts of unique directions.  I would say that I could dedicate this song to my brother, but the song isn't exactly...err...flattering to ones' brother.

 

~Brother - Murder by Death cover performed by Raquelashakti~

 

For the next cover?  I'm actually awaiting one that will hopefully speak to me.  If there's one thing I learned while doing this.  It's that I need to "let it happen".  I normally think of a handful of songs, print the lyrics, light a candle, sit at my piano, and something just comes out.  One thing that I don't ever want to do again is trying to learn tabs or music for the exact song melody.  By nature, I can mimic well, but where is the creativity in that?  I only keep the lyrics exact, and try to keep the original "spirit" alive in the song.  (Did I lose ya yet??)  Hence the reason I put my own "twist" on the songs I perform.  Much more fun that way! 

 

Anyways, here's the original version:

 

Au Revoir!

 

Everything you do is a gem in my collection...

Well folks, I now have my new video up on youtube.  I felt it only appropriate to do a song by Oh Land, because I've been overly excited to see her live in the next few weeks here!  She also has a new CD which comes out in the US next week.  

Fortunately you can stream it this week here:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/arts/music/pressplay.html?ref=music&_r=2&

I absolutely love it.  In fact, I've been listening to it non-stop ever since it was shared on Oh Land's facebook page.  

As for my video, I decided to sing the first song of Oh Land's that I had ever fallen in love with.  

Perfection - Oh Land cover as performed by Raquelashakti

Once again, youtube, never fails to find 3 equally atrocious stills of me.  How does that always happen?!  Should this even come as a shock to me at this point?

Anyways....

So far this Fall has proven to keep my creative juices flowing.  I have come to one understanding though.  I need more people than just myself to carry out my vision.  Question is, who?  Locally I'm not sure of anyone that has the same vision for music that I have.  While I would love to create it all myself, I don't have the preferred instruments, or necessary equipment.  I guess it would be nice to stumble upon just the right person/people.  That doesn't happen often though.  I am a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason though, and that if something is supposed to happen...one way or another it will.

I "feel" it, I know what I'm supposed to do, there's just that lingering uncertainty of how to get there.  Seems God didn't intend for us to know every piece to this puzzle that we call life right away.  All I can do is remain patient, and keep on going.

Guten Nacht.

Oh Land's newest video ;-)

Don't you just love her hair??

Ohhh Fall.

It could be just me, but I really feel that the transition into Fall is when I feel most inspired.  Maybe there's something in us, that alerts us to all the changes outside, and really gets things ticking creatively.  All I know, is that I love it.  I recently realized that the same thing happened last year about this time.

Along with cravings for Pumpkin Spice Lattes and the endless search for a beautiful pair of boots, start the urges for paints and canvas to paint on.  Urges to chop off my hair, and then dye it purple.  Then there's the melodies.  

Well the melodies just start flowing, and haven't stopped.     

As mentioned in my last post, I was working on an original.  Well I finished and performed it, at the benefit I had also mentioned.  Well now there are 2 more songs.  So much is happening in my head, that makes me realize if I were in fact a signed artist, I would need to do my writing on a seasonal basis.  I also have a routine that I now do, that really helps get things flowing.  

Very dim lighting, and a scented candle are my absolute "Musts".  It also must be night-time (Once a night owl, ALWAYS a night owl).  I also have to be comfortable.  In other words, no restrictive clothing, and my face washed, and hair completely out of my face.  Kind of weird, right?  For some reason, being completely natural, and "clean-feeling" really help.  Last but not least...QUIET!  I'm sure my poor neighbors wish the same as I pound on my keys until all hours of the night.  These are the key components that aid me in getting lost in my own little world, and awayyyy I go.  It was so much easier to do when I was a child.  

My latest song, reminds me of something that would be played in "Game of Thrones".  Only the melody though, certainly not the lyrics.  For some terrible and very confusing reason, I keep seeing Joffrey when I start playing the bass line, and I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not.  I'm also hoping my brain didn't dig up a melody from watching the show back when it was airing, and it turns out to be the same thing.  Perhaps I have some seasons to re-watch.  

Either way, this all excites me greatly.  I performed onstage with my piano live for the first time.  I was horrified, and yes, I made mistakes, but I loved it.  I felt alive.  I feel an inner voice pressing me to get out there more, and try to do more live performances.  Really put myself out there.  

Also, more happiness, and something I found by complete surprise:

http://www.majesticmadison.com/calendar/detail/oh_land_100813

Something I certainly cannot miss.  

On that note, here's some good music for the night:

 Isn't it beautiful?

Guten Nacht.

Oh-so-Supernatural.

Well folks, I'm back once again!

As stated in my last blog entry, I was indeed working on a new cover, and here it is!

I've discovered, that the further away the camera is from you, the harder it is for youtube to randomly select an atrocious snapshot for you to choose from!

Anyways, on to more important things.  I am fortunate enough to have had a friend of mine from High School (I know!  Friends!  I'm shocked too.) ask me to perform for an event coming up that will help raise money for a film that her brother is working on.  I guess she saw some of my videos up on youtube, and asked if I would participate.  So that's good news!  I won't deny the fact that I'm terrified.  

If you ask me to sing for something, that's no big deal.  I've been doing that since I was 3 years old for crowds.  Playing piano?  Live for the first time?  It's a bit nerve wrecking, and most can hear the mistakes I make as one finger accidentally slips onto the wrong key at various points throughout most of my videos!  I made a deal with myself though.  This year, I'm taking chances.  It's not enough to sit in my own head and "wish" and "dream", about the things I want.  I have to "do".  

All these thoughts, ideas, etc, need action.  

So...this is another leap on my list of "do's".  Here is a flyer advertising the show coming up in a few weeks:

It'll just be me, my piano, the covers I have put up on youtube, and my plans to debut an original song that I had been working on.  

For the original, I had written the lyrics quite some time ago.  I remember I thought I had music, I remember sitting at my piano...then I remember nothing at all.  In other words, I always start writing music, then I forget it.  All.  It's incredibly frustrating.  Well about 2 weeks ago, a melody started coming to me.  Then I flipped back in my little "notebook of lyrics with forgotten melodies", and it fit perfectly.  I'm proud to say the melody won't leave me.  I keep playing it over and over, and nearly forgot about the ET-Katy Perry cover, that I posted tonight, because completing this song is all I can think about.  I have high hopes that I will finish in time....here's hoping!

Have a good night, and here's some good music:

Au Revoir.

Inspired.

So I get some alone time to myself tonight.  Which as many may know, is a very wonderful and cherished thing.

I'm currently taking a break from darting around in my own mind.  Which, yes folks, that means, a new project is underway.

The other night out of curiosity and sheer boredom, I was scrolling through the latest titles on Netflix.  Now, I see this Katy Perry, Part of Me, movie up.  Naturally, I roll my eyes, and let out one of my infamous *sighs*.  Most would never find me giving Ms. Perry's music the time of day.  It was however, 2:30 in the morning, and for some reason, I couldn't get to sleep.  Me being me, and needing some background noise figured, "well...maybe this'll put me to sleep."  

Now while I will say...this movie certainly wasn't noted for its depth.  I did, however, connect.  I even *teared up* a bit.  I come to find, that she had been signed to multiple labels (she started out as a Christian music artist!), and dropped from most.  Very few believed in her, and one person took the initiative and willingness to believe in her, and now, well it's Katy Perry.  Most anyone who has internet or a television know who she is.  Point is, is that here's a young woman.  She's failed many times at being recognized or taken seriously as a true artist/performer, and now she's everywhere.  All because she knew, this is what she was destined for.  

My other point?  Is that I was born to love, live, and breathe performing.  To this day, no matter how much I doubt myself, I know my purpose in life.  Now matter how much the world tells me, "Your goals are unrealistic, and very few could achieve", and a part of me starts to believe it.  The idea in my head still won't shake.  I won't apologize. 

To see someone like her, fail fail fail, achieve!  It gave me hope.  

So as a hint, yes, it has to do with one of her songs.  I won't say which one of course.  

All I can say, is that it will most certainly have my twist on it.  I just sit down at my piano, and my fingers start moving, and I can already hear the melody in my head.  It's all a matter of building from bare bones to something more...complete.

In light of beautiful melodies, Here is a musician that nearly brings me to tears with his melodies.  Listen and enjoy.

http://reviews.headphonecommute.com/2013/07/01/track-premiere-max-richter-beginning-and-ending/

(the track is pretty new, so there is no youtube for it yet)

Au Revoir.

I said it's too late.

Well helloooooo there!

As mentioned in my last post, a new cover was in the works.  Well fortunately, it all came together much sooner than all the other covers I had done.  A few weeks ago, I sat down, and I had no plans going in...but for some reason, my fingers just started playing.  Once I realized what I was playing, I went to my computer looked up the song, and realized..."Yep...same notes and all!".   

Must have been fate.  

As always, I change things, and I don't play the songs exactly as you would normally hear them. I like to add, or take things from them.  Admittedly, I hadn't listened to this song for quite some time.  My music lists are so full of newer things, and still trying to find even MORE new music.  (I know...an obsession).  For some reason though, this song came to me, and I remembered how much the melody stopped me in my tracks when I had first heard it, and I still like that song to this very day.  (obviously)

Apologize - One Republic cover as performed by Raquelashakti

You see, this week is different than others.  This week, my husband is hiking the Appalachian trail.  Random, right?  Things seem to be fairly last minute in this house, and even when there's an idea up in the air, there's normally very little chance that it will actually even happen.  Seems not too long ago, my entire little family took an adventure to Florida!  

Alas, we were financially able for once (which never happens), and the timing worked out great...which also never happens.  So I'm happy for him.  I'm also happy for myself too.  Everyone needs their alone time, right?  Since my husband has changed shifts at his job, the night is no longer mine.  I used to get a few hours every night to myself.  During this time, I would work on music, my blog, etc, etc.  Well when there's someone a foot away from you at all times now during "your time", it makes finding time for those things rather difficult.  

If anyone knows me at all, I'm a creature who thrives on my alone time.  A time for silence, and creativity.  Just a few hours to be in my own head with no interruptions.  Up until the day I got married, I wasn't the girl who spent every minute with her friends.  I came home and spent hours holed up in my room.  My music was blasting, and I had no interaction with anyone for just a few hours.  The great thing, is that everyone in my house respected that about me.  I would normally go upstairs for dinner, and my mom would be up there, and we'd sit at the table, eat our dinner, talk for quite some time.  Then I'd return downstairs, and she'd do her own thing too.  That was always something, and still to this day that I've always appreciated.  Either my mom is very much the same, or she just realized who I was, trusted I wasn't some "angsty" teen with a drug problem (which I assure you, I was not.), and just left me alone.  Being there when I needed her, and keeping her distance when I needed that as well.  

So when you have social children, and a social husband...it can be..."mentally demanding".  I love them all to death.  They are my most favorite people in the world.  I do the best I can from 7:30 am until 8:30 pm.  After that, I am mentally drained.  So those few hours to shut down are crucial for me.  I do, however, loathe sleeping alone.  It certainly is a wonderful thing to have a husband who is probably the most comfortable human being in the world.  

I'm glad we both get this chance.  I'm glad he's off in the wilderness doing what he loves.  "Roughing it", as I would say.  I try to imagine what he's currently seeing, and I can't help but wonder if he's taking a deep breath of some fresh night air right now.  In a weird way, I feel like I can experience it with him, even though I'm not there.  The smells, the breezes, the sights, all small pieces of nature that bring a smile to my face.  I just imagine he feels the same way, and rather than be sad that he's not here, I just think of these things, and think "He's probably having the time of his life", and I'm literally overwhelmed with happiness.  

So I make this most of this time, and enjoy myself, while I'm sure he is as well.  

This time alone, means more time to work on music, this blog, and getting our girls out on more adventures!

Au Revoir.

Tell me I'm your National Anthem...

Well folks, looks like I'm finally able to post in my blog again.  Due to something I'm not sure of, I kept trying to click to post a new blog entry...and for whatever reason my internet refused to go to the "post a new entry" page.  Fortunately things are back up and running! 

Well, for months, I had been working on Lana Del Rey's, "National Anthem", as I had mentioned before.  For me things like this are a long process.  A very long...tedious process.  Not to mention how long it takes to get a full shot where I make no mistakes.  Admittedly I finally settled, and put up a video that has a few errors that hopefully for the most part go unnoticed.  They do, however, completely irk me, and I just don't watch the video, ha ha.  It came down to me trying to not be a nuisance and have my husband closed off in our bedroom for hours (Yes..literally hours) while I was trying to get a shot I found acceptable.  

This is what I finally ended up with:

Lana Del Rey's "National Anthem" cover.  Performed by Raquelashakti

I could go over the process of how I begin to create and finally decide I've completed a song, but we'd be here all day.  Also, it's nothing genius.  

I had a lot of fun with this song.  Even when there were parts that made me want to throw something through the window because my inexperienced fingers kept screwing up, I still had fun.  I also changed what I was playing a million times.  My favorite part is the bridge.  That is the one part where I feel I really added "my touch", and the final part that I had changed just the week before.  It didn't feel right until I fixed that part.  

One thing that I must announce, is that this video is my very first video featuring my new piano!  Yippee!!!  The husband had me pick it out for my birthday.  I nearly cried when I received it.  I feel like a spoiled brat saying that I just couldn't "work" with the old keyboard I used to have.  Everything I did on it, just didn't feel complete.  When I would go and use my mom's upright piano at her house though, the inspiration was just...there.  I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but for some reason, that's just how I work.  Fortunately, this new piano stirs up the same inspirations, and I genuinely enjoy playing again.  It also helps that the keys are weighted, and that all 88 keys are there!  It's really a feeling I can't explain.  I thought I had my next cover planned, but once I finished "National Anthem", I sat down, and immediately started playing a song I had never tried playing, and hadn't listened to in such a long time.  Going by memory, I was pretty sure I was playing the right notes.  Of course me, doubting my terrible terrible memory.  I go to put the song on, and lo' and behold for once my memory had not betrayed me.  Oddly enough I had the notes in the exact key as the original recording.  So I am excited to say that I now have a new little project on my hands (hee hee..a pun). 

Of course I never like to announce before hand.  So once again, you all will have to wait until I am finished, and the video is posted.  

I'm always one to leave things as a "surprise".  :-)

Au Revoir!

Spontaneity...something I have always failed at...until now.

There's never enough time.  Never enough money, but there are always more than enough excuses.  

Earlier this year, a friend that I knew in high school passed away.  In the moments that I shared with this friend, I learned what it was like to just "breathe" and let things happen.  Go with the flow.  Well after nearly 9 years, a marriage, and 2 kids later, I nearly lost sight of anything pertaining to such a thing as "being spontaneous".  

My world revolves around complete routine, a very strict budget, and getting each kid from one place to the next.  There isn't much room for taking any risks when you live everyday exactly the same.  Even on any family vacations, I've always had from the time we've woken up, to the time our heads hit the pillow at night completely scheduled out.  Which means, if there is any detail that strays from the plan, I would get so angry.    I don't like when my plans change.  Everything is supposed to be "perfect".  

Well a few months ago, I had a rude awakening.  Or you could even call it an epiphany.  The most spontaneous friend I had, died suddenly while biking across the country.  He was struck by a van within' 5 miles of his destination.  (He biked from Wisconsin, all the way to Louisiana).  Immediately my first though was, "How sad!  He never made it, and he's so young!"  (he was a week from turning 26 years old)

Then it dawned on me.  He died doing something he loved.  He was happy.

This whole occurrence made me stop and look at my own life.  I don't want to die miserable.  I want to take chances, I want to have really lived my life.  Not just coast through!

I haven't felt truly free in so long.  First off, let me just say, it has nothing to do with being married, and especially not because I'm a mother.  Those are things (especially being a mom) that have made me a better person by far.  I started questioning everything about myself.  I started realizing how I haven't done what I've always wanted to do, and (aside from being a performer) that was to just travel.  No, not book some fully planned trip the way I always had.  Just get up, and go, and have no real destination.  No booking any hotels.  You just sleep wherever you are able to find a room, and if you can't find a room, then I guess the car is the next option.

So now we go back to the middle of March.  I realize that in one week, the girls will be having their spring break.  Our family has been under quite some stress for numerous months, and I think to myself, "....well Jade won some of those free waterpark passes in the Dells.  I guess we can do that one of those days?".  Then I recall my husband saying how he'd like to eventually take a week to road trip to spread his dad's ashes.  So there I had it.  Of course this was no easy task for myself.

"Do we have enough money??  Where will we go??  Where will we sleep??  Can I even STAND to be in a car for more than 2 hours??  I am terrible driving at night..especially places that I don't know!".  Then I thought of my friend, and quickly all those worries and fears were squashed.  I said a very quiet, "F-it, we're going on a road trip.  My husband can decide the whereabouts.".

In that instant, I decided to abandon all control, and just decided to go for it.  

I cannot tell you how excited I was.  For the first time in so long, I had that feeling of freedom back in my clutches.  I was alive again.  Once I changed my mindset, I was able to enjoy it every step of the way.  I'm sure my husband thought I had lost it.  I remember requesting off at work, then sending him a text saying, "I requested off until April 8th.  The girls are on Spring Break that week, so we can do the road trip to spread Dale's ashes then.  If we don't do it now, we'll never get to it.".  After some questioning and even some of the same fears that I had, he also had.  He then also squashed any reservations.  Next thing you know, we tell the kids the morning of, that we're taking a road trip.  We were hoping to make it down to Florida and back within' our 7 day time frame.

Needless to say, we made it.  We were fortunate enough to not have any issues of any sort along the way.  We found a hotel room every night that we were down there.  Even with it being Spring Break!  We ended up in Sarasota, Fl.  Then the next day we ventured to Marco Island.  One of my favorite parts, is that we managed to get a hold of my brother who was transferred to Georgia after joining the Army.  We drove to Savannah, Georgia, and met them for dinner.  Stopping in Georgia wasn't even part of the agenda.  Florida was the main focus.  I'm so glad we were able to incorporate it into our trip.  I completely fell in love with Savannah's historical charm.  I also really wanted to do a Ghost tour in one of the super fun looking trolley's!  ha ha.  That of course will have to be saved for another visit.  After that, we ventured back home.

I will say, after being in Florida and Georgia, having to go back to Wisconsin was rough!  I am glad, however, to be back home.  The girls did a fantastic job all those hours in the car.  I really, honestly, expected major melt downs.  There was no such thing though, it was such a great family experience...and it was spontaneous!  ha ha


The girls doing a great job in the car...almost to Florida!

Had to find entertainment somehow!

Thank God...finally in Florida!

Siesta Key Beach (Sarasota, Fl.)

More Siesta Key Beach

I like to take pics of the places that I have "set foot".  Siesta Key Beach.

Yep.  Me.

Still Siesta Key Beach.

Now at Marco Island!  

A hermit crab...still residing in there!

Marco Island.

Savannah, Ga!  Down at the Riverwalk.

Of course, an "Alice" reference every place I go...

Savannah, Ga.  River Walk.

The devilishly handsome young man is my nephew!!!

You can't go in the South, and not visit a Waffle House!

Goin' through Nashville, Tennessee!

Boom.  :-)  (from a Chinese buffet in Illinois)

Aaaaand, here is this weeks youtube cover:

Radioactive - Imagine Dragons Cover

Au Revoir!

I sing the Body Electric

Well I'm back folks.  I feel that in the past I have bragged too much about never getting sick, and now since December, I've been sick about every few weeks.  I finally feel fully back to health, and I hope it stays that way!

This week the song I have chosen to sing, is "Body Electric", by Lana Del Rey. 

If you couldn't already tell, I've been listening to Lana and Marina pretty much non-stop.  Which leads me to realize I need to find other artists to cover.  I think the reason I go back and forth so much with the two of them, is because Marina is everything I feel I can relate to.  Lana is everything I never had the courage to do, and was always curious about. 

My parents should be proud.  I was such a good girl, and the epitome of the "D.A.R.E." student.  With the exception of going places that I shouldn't have been going when I said I would be at my friends' house.  At least my morals still remained intact.  Deep inside every good girl, however, lurks a curiosity that longs to see how the other half lives.  Even if the "good girl" makes snide remarks about that other half.  She'll always wonder.  I think that's why Lana appeals to me.  

I can sing like I know exactly what she's talking about, but I have no idea.  I heard that she was an alcoholic and shipped off to a boarding school by the age of 14.  Can you imagine???  Not this girl.  I didn't even know about most foreplay, or the details of it at that point.  Especially at the age I'm at now, 14 seems like such a little baby!  I'm 25 by the way...and pretty soon here will be 26.  I am not excited.  For various reasons. 

To clarify, I have no regrets.  I like who I was, and who I am.  I could never be a "Lana".  In fact the very idea of it actually makes me get that feeling you get when you feel like you've been kicked in the stomach.  It's just nice to wonder.

Au Revoir!

Life. It's much too short.

"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive.  It is as though they were traveling abroad."

We all seem to think that we're somehow in control of what happens around us.  That no tragic events could happen so close to home.  So often in life, we're proven so wrong.  

This morning my dad called me.  The man knows I sleep in any chance I can get, but that doesn't stop him from calling early.  On a day like today, I was grateful that he did.  Instead of me dozing back off into dreamland, he continued to send me text messages, and for some reason I decided to remain conscious enough to keep responding.  Then in that mix somewhere, I start getting other texts.  I look over at my husband, and remark, "Gah, I'm getting so many texts...just kill me.".  Yes, I know, I'm a delightful human being.  

Well, it was no longer my dad, but a friend of mine, letting me know that a friend of mine from high school has passed away.  

When someone delivers news like that, it makes no sense to me.  I try to comprehend the situation, but I can't.  

She then calls, and reads the article she found online.  He was of course biking around down south, and was hit, and pronounced dead at the scene.  

He loved bikes.  It feels like just yesterday that he took me to a bike shop, so that he could scope out different models, and explain the different features to me.  Everything that we did together all feels like it happened such a short time ago.  The unfortunate reality, is that it has been years since I've seen him, or even spoken to him.

It's not until someone passes that you realize the mistakes you've made, and the wrongs you've committed towards them.  

We went everywhere together.  What I loved though, is that it was never anything extravagant.  He was the one who introduced me to Strawberry pie ala mode, and of course with a cup of coffee at a little truck stop diner near our town.  I kid you not, when I say that is the best pie I've ever had.  After we'd eat there, he'd take me to the park next door, and we'd lay out and look at the sky, discussing life.  He took me to local music shows in the basements of college students in Madison.  He introduced me to a whole new realm of music.  He's the one who crashed prom, and rescued me from it's overly-hyped, mundane world, and said, "Let's go to the Orpheum!  They're playing "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" there tonight, and there will be people acting it out!".  Well I, as well as another friend of mine went, and it was so much better than prom, I assure you.  He also introduced me and a friend of mine to dumpster diving.  

In other words, he was key in introducing me to a whole new world of experiences.  He took the shy, reserved, and very routine girl that I was, and he introduced "spontaneity" into my world. I probably had the most crazy fun I've ever had in my life doing priceless things.  

The only way I can describe the moments I shared with him, was like running free through a windy meadow with no one else around.  Free to just breathe, and think. 

Well I destroyed that.  As swift as a slap in the face, I shut him out.  

You see, there are girls like me.  The bitter ones who trust no one.  I'm one of those girls that sees an ending to any good relationship, and will just end up alone anyways.  So why try?  Just push them away before things get too serious, make them think you're a bitch, and then they'll leave you alone.  

I don't think there is any way that I can express how horrible I feel now about that.  

I will never forget the day, that he came in to my work and asked me to the "Homecoming dance", (which was something very....not us.) in front of his friends, and I very unapologetically turned him down, saying I was going with someone else.  I saw his face sink, and he asked, "....Who asked you?".  I pointed to the boy bagging the groceries at the end of the check-out lane next to us.  That boy who was bagging, is now my husband.  I of course tried hard to push him away too, but that's a different story for a different day.  

I sabotaged that relationship, by completely coming out of nowhere as a bitch.  He later ended up in the same class as my now-husband.  I guess he confided that he didn't understand what happened.  That he really thought we would end up together.  

Well ever since that day, we haven't spoken a word to each other, because I'm a cold, heartless bitch.  

I truly regret doing that to him.  My only hope, is that he lived a happy and free life.  I heard he lived in various part of the US, and just biked everywhere.  I truly hope he was happy.  I hope he found love, and that they were both good to each other.  

He was so young, too young to pass on, but from the type of person he was, I'm sure he lived more than anyone else.

RIP Dear Friend.

There's a drumming sound inside my head...

The Drumming Song - Florence + The Machine Cover

Gee, am I doing the Chicken Dance?  A Frankenstein trying to scare off intruders?  Just another lovely still chosen as the thumbnail for my latest video.  Trust me...this was the lesser of evils.  

So this week has been interesting.  Work, school, homework, kids, husband.  All categories are high in demand.  I will say though, a major achievement on my part was finding the trick to getting my kids to not only clean their room as I had directed, but they went above and beyond what I expected!  Both my girls decided to organize all the shelving units within' their room, including their shoe rack.  To some, this may not be a big thing, but for me, I was over the moon!  Basically my one rule, is if you don't have your room clean, you sleep with the door shut.  Now some kids always sleep like this, but my kids absolutely hate it.  So they've been doing a great job at picking their toys up before bed.  Well the other night, and without my asking, they went further and organized.  Which led to the reward of getting to have the hallway light on as well.  Again, to some, this may be nothing at all.  For my kids though, this was a great achievement, and I was so proud that they did more than expected.  Now if only I could get the husband to do the same...kidding...well kind of.

I've learned, that in my new Music theory class, that I am possibly the dumbest student in there.  There are kids in there that will just blurt out definitions to words like....I forget exactly, but "Allegrato giocoso"???  At least I think that's the term.  Then the students who can pinpoint the foundation of the style of music being in the "baroque" era.  Yeah, these questions get asked, and this is me:

Not cool.  Made the Dean's List last semester, and I'm just going to take a shot and say that probably won't happen this semester. 

By the way, has anyone seen Trailer Park Boys?  If not, you should, it's hilarious.

Well, there is more homework that needs attention, so I must be getting that done.  Haven't had much time to  practice the piano portion of the song I want to cover by Lana Del Rey, but soon enough!  I also am planning on a monologue that will require the assistance from the only man I'm ever around really....my husband!  Ha!  This should go well...

Adios!  

This is what makes us girls....

Aaaaaand here is this weeks newest video.  I decided to sing, "This is what makes us girls" by Lana Del Rey.  

This is just another fun and catchy song.  I never really had a group of "girl friends" growing up.  With the exception of very few (who are also very similar to myself in our ways of thinking on this topic) females, I have never been able to really relate to girls my age.  It may just be the way I grew up, with my only friend being my brother, who is only a year and a half older than me.  We moved most every year when I was younger, so I didn't attach to people the way most do. When it was time to move I never shed any tears.  It was just routine, and I remember every last goodbye was just a, "well..bye." and I walked away and never game them a second thought. 

The time came when my family decided to leave Illinois (yes that's where I'm from) and migrate up to Wisconsin.  We moved to a little suburb, and we've been here ever since.  Since this wasn't part of routine, I think it really threw me off.  Everyone knows everyone here.  I hate it.  It's also very embarrassing when you see someone who knows you, and you have absolutely no clue who they are!  I guess my mind just regurgitates that sort of information, since that wasn't something I had to remember during the entire foundation of my existence.  One funny example.  My teacher in my new Music Theory class likes to put people in groups (eek!).  Now I had a good thing going.  There was one kid who also sits by himself, near me, and we just kinda look at each other, and that's word enough for us to know, "sure, I'll work with you".  We stick strictly to the assignment, and when we're done we both go back to our own heads sitting in silence staring forward, and that's OK!  Well...my teacher threw a curve at me.  He had us mix it up, so we had to get to know "new people".  Well I had to work with 2 new guys!  One very very very talkative.....I mean very talkative.  Not only do the words just consistently flow out of his mouth, they LOUDLY and consistently flow out of his mouth!  Fortunately the other kid in my group was quiet like me.  He also seemed a bit alienated by the other person...so that was comforting to me.  Well after class the quiet new kid sees me in the hall and yells out, "Nice to meet you Rachel!".  To which I reply, "Oh, nice to meet you too!".  I swear to you, the next 10 minutes I spent scrambling whatever was left of my memories from that class period searching for that kids name.  It's days later now, and I still have no clue what that kids name was, and we all introduced ourselves.  I mean, how weird does that look?  This kid literally tells me his name 20 minutes prior to this encounter, and I'm thinking I should ask what his name is again???  Poor kid.  I always hope people don't get offended by the fact that I never remember them.  I honestly try.  

Well anyways, when I'm listening to this song, "This is what makes us girls", I can always see the scenarios she's describing so vividly, and I think to myself, "I wonder what it would have been like to be that way when I was young?".  I was just a quiet teen whose only crime was not always being where I said I was.  Wherever I was though, I was always the "moral backbone" of my friends.  I never drank a sip of alcohol, never took a drag of a cigarette, nothing.  No drugs, nada.  I was about as clean as they came.  I only "looked" like a bad teen according to many.  Just goes to show you can't judge a book by its cover.  When I listen to Lana's song though, I can't help but wonder.  "Man, I wonder what it would've felt like to steal police cars...and run off with senior guys...and do all those stereotypical things that rebellious teenagers do!?".  Something I had not experienced, and no, I have no regrets.  I just tend to analyze every detail of life ;-)

Well I'll leave you with that.  Au Revoir!

  

That's what the water gave me...

Well Hello there folks!  

This week I'm going to put 2 videos in this post.  Last week I felt like death, due to strep throat AND whatever it is that everyone in Wisconsin has.  Some sort of cough, headache, aching...thing.  I still decided to make a video.  It was painful. 

This week, still not great, but light years from where I was at. 

Here is THIS weeks vid:

What the Water Gave Me - Florence + The Machine cover

and this is LAST WEEKS video:

Heaven (Myon Remix) - Jes cover

You'll just have to "grin and bear it" with me OK!

Tomorrow is the start of a new semester for me.  I'm terrified.  Why, you ask?  Well, I'm going up a level in Music theory, and also taking a Government class.  Does anyone know how much politics/the government interest me?  Not at all.  That's the answer.  Sadly so, because I should really be following it all, but I'm going to be flat out honest, I don't.  I feel like a terrible human being for it too.  Which is one reason why I decided to take "American National Government", because all those years in elementary school, high school, and up until now, I snoozed through it all.  I also have a terrible memory, so I don't retain most of what I'm taught.  Which is the other reason for me being terrified about my Music Theory class.  Due to a schedule conflict, I couldn't take it last semester.  So I'm afraid that what I learned last Spring is all forgotten.  Sucks.  Needless to say I'll just need to push through.  

I love music very much, but Music Theory tends to be very mathematical...can you guess my worst subject in school?  MATH!  So someone like myself has to work extra hard to grasp the concepts.  In other words...this semester will be hell-ish.  I. am. terrified.  Either way, wish me luck!  

This post is short and sweet, because I'm off to do online homework!!  Don't be too jealous!

Hasta Luego!