Alright

It's been so long since I've blogged. Terrible. So most of my vids that I had up on youtube, I deleted. They felt forced to me. Also, not at all up to my expectations of how I want a finished product to be. So my next project? Well, I think I'll do a cover of Lady Gaga's "Telephone". On the piano though :-) which means I'll be making up the music to it. So this will take some time. Here's hoping it turns out the way I want it to though :-)

Oh! Also! I went to the Gaga concert last night, and I made my outfit for it. I'm pretty proud of it :-) I must say that concert was AMAZING! I'm still in a bliss from it, and I want to go again!!! Wanting to be a performer myself, it made me realize how much I can interact with the crowd, and how much influence an artist has! One of the better nights of my life :-)

I need to be patient..yet..I'm so impatient.

So I've created more projects for myself, and I'm very excited. I've written a dozen songs now. The hard part is putting music to it. So before I "youtube" any originals, I have to learn some more covers. My current song? Paper Gangster. That's right, by Lady gaga. We'll see how it sounds, I don't have the piano part down with the timing just yet. WHICH reminds me! I'm going to see Lady Gaga in September!!! Now, I cannot just attend a show like that, and not dress up...and I mean UP! I've designed my outfit, and all is planned...now I just have to wait!!! I'm also learning the 24 Blood theme song from the end credits of Dexter. I just love it, so I'll be learning that as well ;-)
Oh the fun things in life!

A work in progress...

So I've really been inspired lately, and I love it. Songs and lyrics keep flying through my mind, so much that I can't keep up. Thank. you. God. I was always so afraid to write my lyrics down on a piece of paper, because they reveal the most vulnerable parts of me. I put down everything I'm feeling, and it's impossible for me to do otherwise. While I will admit, I do listen to some artists who sing about senseless things that are of no importance to me, I can't sing it. Technically..I "could", but it would feel wrong. Now writing is a big insecurity of mine. I can do it, but I'm not sure if it's any good. It means a lot to me, but who's to say it'll make sense to anyone else. What if it IS really good? These are the thoughts that flood my mind. *sigh* So I've decided. Just do it. That's right Nike, just do it. I'm proud to say that I've written 13 songs now. That's a whole album! I have things to say, and I'm socially retarded. as much as I want to say something, I can't make it work, the words come out jumbled, and in response I normally get a confused look. I've studied people for a long time, I've tried mirroring their actions, conversations, etc. It works very well in a work setting, but in a casual outing..I'm hopeless. This is why I love music. I can say everything I want and more on a piece of paper. At the same time, I'm horrified for the people I know to read my thoughts. Everything I think stays up here *points to head*. I'm not really one to get into my emotions with people, so now they will see what's actually ticking up there. My songs are a bit darker, some are arguments, some are me questioning what is wrong, some are my love for my husband and children. Music makes me feel like a human being, and I love that. Mark my words. I will be the person that at least one girl will be listening to one day, and she will be inspired to find her voice, and go for her dreams.

What's your addiction?

My addiction? One word. Shopping. I've decided that I need to stop buying everything I want. It's like I have this horrible "need" to get whatever it is that pleases my eye, but once I swipe my debit card the guilt washes over me, and I no longer get the rush I used to get when buying that cute shirt that I've had my eye on for awhile now.
It's all a mental game really. The mind is so much more powerful than we give it credit for. I can tell myself something everyday until I really start to believe it. So when I'm walking through a store, and I see something nice? I play it down. I tell myself, "it's only fabric. It'd only be an impulse buy. I don't need it. etc etc." So far, it's been working. My family and I are planning to buy a house, and when we do get that house. We'll need to have some $$$ saved. We'll be paying property taxes. We'll be fixing things up....and the funny thing is, is that I'm scared. You see with renting, it's no strings attached really. The outside? Mowed and shoveled by the landlords. When I want to move, I just say "Adios!" when my lease is up, and I'm out. With a house? You're tied down. Even when you've put so much money into it, updated the appliances. There's a good chance no one will want to buy it. That part is hard for me. When it came to my husband, I was ready to commit, but with a chunk of land and a house perched on it...I just can't. Sounds a bit backwards, but yes, I'm a commitment-phobe with settling down into a house.
My husband has been wanting to buy a house. So I'm putting my fears aside, and I'm just riding with it. It normally takes me a while to accept change when everything was going well in the first place.
So this is the reasoning for me to quit spending like I have. More money to be spent, more bills to pay...ohhh the joys of being an adult.

Well folks..here it is...

Well I posted "Twice" by Little Dragon up on Youtube. Here's hoping for some good results.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58tvCgMeJKk&feature=player_embedded

Also, I got my wig. It's not..."quite" what I wanted, so I'm hoping it would be able to stand heat, so that I can curl it how I'd like it to be...here's hoping!

Something kinda just clicked in me last night. I need to get my butt moving. My husband is going to enlist in the guard. He's taking chances. He's doing what he always wanted to do. Now why have I not?? I do small occasional projects, but I need to be doing more. So last night I'm sitting there, and ideas for songs just keep flying around in my head. I get on my piano, and it all begins. I love being inspired. Thank you Cory for inspiring me.

(for those of you who don't know, Cory is my husband.)

Ciao!

I found it!

So I found a red curly wig. Not "exactly" like Karen Elson's, and not quite the vibrant red I was hoping for, but it shall serve it's purpose ;-) One step closer to being able to do my mad-hatter photoshoot. Now the next thing...what do I wear? I know for sure I'll be wearing a black pencil skirt, and also my cobalt blue heels, for the shirt..etc..I'm still undecided. I want more color somehow. Either way, my wig should arrive in a few weeks, and I'll be postin' the pics here!

Until next time...

It's been awhile

Well, I haven't posted a blog for quite some time. I will admit to slacking on my youtube postings as well. That really doesn't help me any, does it? I can blame my family issues, I can blame being tired, but really it's only my fault, and my fault alone. If I want to achieve my goal, I NEED to get back on board, and get motivated. I've decided for my next project, I should cover a song that is closer to the type of music I'd like to create myself. The song I will be performing, is "Twice" by Little Dragon. It's a very haunting song, yet very simple. My only regret is that I don't have the equipment to make the special effects like in the original version. So that's my musical project. I also have another project that I have been itching to do. I need to find a bright red curly wig. No..not Annie style, but like Karen Elson's (New model for St. John). Then I will do my make-up "Mad-hatter" themed. I also have a tiny tophat. I want to model some photos with this theme in all sorts of odd poses. Then I'll post them on here! It'll be so much fun ;-)

Until next time ;-)

ok so TONIGHT!

I really have to stop putting this off. I need to do more songs to post on youtube. I guess I've been busy lately, but that should really be NO excuse. No giving up and forgetting about it for me!! I'm thinking "Be Italian" should be tonight. Here's hoping!

So this weekend is Valentine's day. I'm quite excited for that :-) The husband and I are going out for dinner at Restuarant Muramoto. We've never been there, so that in itself is an adventure. Which reminds me...I should print directions, otherwise I'll never get there, haha. I hope everyone has a good Valentine's day!!!!

Finalllllyyy!

My voice is back to normal! Now when singing, my higher notes don't sound like a wounded cat. Yes...it was that bad. Plenty of projects for this week. I'm hoping to accomplish these 3 things in 1 week.

-Help design/make a purse with my daughter Jade.
-Finally sing, "Be Italian" from NINE.
-Make my dress for Valentines day!

So those are my goals for this week!

I'm trying to plan things to make this year go by faster. In November, we're going to Disney World..that's right. Disney World. I can't tell you how insanely excited I am for this! I'm seriously as bad as a child. I can't sleep at night, I can't stop thinking about it. It just can't come fast enough! I'M SO EXCITED! This time, we'll be there for a week!
Why are you going in November you ask? Because we're going the week of my daughters birthday. It's a surprise too, and I'm so excited to surprise her. When we're boarding the plane, I'm just going to say, "we're going on a trip Jade!" I'm just so happy that I can give her this. I really am. I love my mom, with all my heart, and I wouldn't change my childhood for anything. My mom struggled though. She had an absent/abusive husband. She went from being a housewife, to getting 3 full-time jobs in order to support us. There's no way she could have afforded, or even had been able to get the time off to take us out on fancy vacations. I just have to thank the Lord, because he has blessed us so much. He blessed me with a good husband, and 2 amazing children. We're not rich, but we have what we need, and I thank God for that. My mom did literally everything she could for us, and that woman deserves to live in a house made of pure gold, for everything that she has done for us. I hope that one day, I can do the same for her. I love you mama!

So back to my Florida "itinerary". We will be there, 7 days and 6 nights. We'll be staying in some of the Disney World Resort Hotels, and the parks we plan to visit: The Magic Kingdom (of course), Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, and Epcot. It's going to be so fun! We'll also be sure to go to Downtown Disney, and some beaches. We're thinking Cocoa Beach. I think that one is the closest to Orlando? My husband wants to go Shark Fishing! Crazy right? The man is afraid of sharks. That's just so how he is though. He loves to face his fears head-on. I love that about him :-) I love lots of things about him, but his ability to just overcome whatever he wants, is one of the most appealing things to me.

Well enough of my jabbering. Adios!

I have it!

Don't you hate when you write some music, that you really love, that just feels so right, and there are no words to go with it? Well, this is obviously the case with me. I've written a piano piece, and I love it. I really do. I did put some words to it, but it just didn't seem right.

There are certain topics that I have been aching to get out somehow, but not sure how to incorporate it. So last night, I was playing my keyboard, trying to figure it all out. Then it hit me...Oh my gosh...this is it, this is the song where I can start trying to get my message across. Anyways, a lot of times in music, while you're creating it..well then you start getting all sorts of ideas. I was up til' 1 in the morning, my brain was hard at work, and I just kept writing ideas down. I've decided, I'm not very good expressing myself verbally..you know..talking to other people how I feel. If I were to make an album, I know what it'd be. I know the title, some other songs/topics. It just feels so good to have those creative juices flowing. So this is my next youtube project. I need to start getting my own songs written and finalized, and I need to perform my pieces for the world. While there are some topics I'm still uncomfortable with sharing, I need to do it. In the meantime I will continue as promised, and do "Be Italian", from the NINE soundtrack, but I now finally have a job to do, and it feels so good.

Monday MONday MONDAY!!!

My least favorite day of the week.

I shouldn't complain about having to get up and go to my job...ever, especially in these times. However, it hasn't made hearing that alarm go off during my peaceful sleep any easier to hear.
Every time I open my eyes..I seem to be back at Monday. Where did the weekend go? Yesterday, I had the stupid idea of not doing anything, so that Monday could not come. I don't know why...but at the time I thought that would work. I ended up doing things anyways, so that plan failed, but still.

Is there anyone else out there, who hates the same robotic routine of the 5-day work week?
-Wake up
-Get ready
-Drag to work
-Sit at your desk for 8 hours
-Go home
-Eat dinner
-Put children to bed
-fix up the house

& Repeat for 4 more days.

I don't know why this bothers me. It's a stable, safe lifestyle, but I just need variety.
At the same time, I still feel like a spoiled brat for even complaining about my stable lifestyle.

So this weekend was good. I went to my Mom's play on Friday, she did excellent! I'm glad she did the play too. The only reason she even went out for it, is because I dragged her down there, haha. I told her though, I knew she'd get her part...and of course, she did! When I was watching the play, I couldn't help but feel sorry for my mom. I'd never seen her have so much fun, and I have never seen her as comfortable. She was where she belonged. Sure, she's very successful in her current job. She too, is living a very stable lifestyle. She too, wanted to go on broadway, be an actress, singer, etc. This is why I need to make this right. For both of us. I need to get out there, so I can get her out there. So WE can both be doing what we were made to do! Oh mama...don't worry, we'll make it...

Such a hold up.

Ay. Well this week has been rough. I've been sick, one of my babies has been sick, and I'm off schedule for putting up some new songs on Youtube.

My main plan was to do "Be Italian" from NINE. However, that song requires my voice to be in good shape, and my throat still feels like garbage from whatever sickness I had. So instead I opted for an easier song from the NINE soundtrack.

*drumroll please*

The song I did was "Unusual Way". Nicole Kidman performs this song, and it's not so challenging as Fergie's song. So I'm saving that one for when my sickness is gone. I'll be putting the vid up for you at the end of this blog.

So last night I looked at the calendar. I realized, "Hm, it's January 28th...gah time is going so fast." This made me realize something. My birthday is March 14th. On March 14th of this year, I will be 23 years old...Yes, I know. It's "young", but in the entertainment world...is it? There are 15 years old with big names, and big acting roles in Hollywood. I'm still in this po-dunk town, and have yet to find the right outlet to fame. I know, I'm doing the whole "youtube" thing, but is that enough? I've made a deal with myself to try and start doing a new song each week. I'm just hoping I don't run out of songs anytime soon. God keeps telling me, "be patient, your time will come". I still wonder when??!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bsTPxzBgsc

Alright...change of plans

So I know I said I would have that Shakira song done this week...not gonna happen. First off, I'd like a sustain pedal for my keyboard, which is currently in the mail. Secondly, I'm sick, and I sound like garbage, and I just can't do that to anyones ears. So Next week...here's hoping. If I don't have my sustain pedal by then, I'll just have to do "Be Italian" from the musical NINE. Here's hoping!

Next up....

Alright, so my next attempt for a video on Youtube, is to make a cover of Shakira's, "Men in this Town", song. I will try to do it on the piano, and it will be a bit slower, a bit more melodic. I'm not awesome at piano, but I'll try!

I guess this is it. I want to "make it big". Which should be obvious from my previous posts. I want to perform for the world, and I know I have what it takes. So, unlike the past where I would just wait for people to come to me, I'm going to finally put myself out there. So my goal is to do at least 1 song a week, and get it up on youtube. This week, I'm hoping to do the Shakira song. Next week, perhaps "Be Italian" performed by Fergie in the musical movie NINE. I'm sick this week, so I'll need to do something a bit more...low key. "Be Italian", certainly requires more energy.

Here is Shakira's version of "Men in this town".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0vzplYlqNI

Enjoy!

Part 2 of project completed

Alright. Well I finished "Take it All", from the musical NINE. I think it went rather well...also though, a lot of the moves were improv. I will admit, at first I was a bit nervous. This song is done to a striptease. So how does one remain covered while putting on a show like that? Well..I had some layers. I didn't take much off either. More just sauntering about. In the movie, Luisa actually ends up being topless! Can't do that though, sorry! It's taken almost an hour for youtube to process it though! ay!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr5vpIoWDDs

Well Step 1 completed

Well friends. I did it. I taped myself performing, "My husband makes movies", performed by Marion Cotillard in the movie, "NINE". The audio isn't good, but I'm hoping people can see through that. So my next goal, is, to by the end of this week, film myself doing, "Take it all". Also from NINE and performed by Marion Cotillard. I'm excited about this one. It's so full of energy and power, and you can feel her pain. I hope I can present the same feeling for people. SO deadline is Friday this week. Wish me luck!

here's a link to my video :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULwPlMCBZco

You'll need to take steps to accomplish your goal.

So, as I had stated in one of my earlier blogs, I was going to sing some of the songs off of "NINE", and post them on youtube. Well my friends, I recieved the soundtrack on Saturday, I've looked up the lyrics on the internet. I'm hoping tonight, to perform "my husband makes movies" soundtrack. Later on this week, I hope to be doing "Take it all". However, I won't be stripping down as much as Marion does in the film! I'm still not sure if I should do a playful "striptease", or just sit there and sway to the music. I think this song does call for some dancing at least. Not raunchy of course, but classy. Towards the end though, I WILL still be fully covered, just not wearing as much as I started out with.

When I get the new video up, I'll be sure to post it on here!

you have to conquer the small town first before you move onto bigger scarier places

Some people are just downright evil.

I'm sure most anyone in their life has been picked on by someone, but what makes certain individuals targets everywhere they go? What about them says, "Hey! I'm vulnerable, come pick on me!"

I consider myself, a fairly nice person. I don't pick on people. I actually try to stand up for the people that are getting picked on and don't deserve it. However, when I walk in a room, I guess people think I'm scary? Mind you, I'm 5'3, and quite petite. I'm just confident. I like myself. No, not in a vain way. I just accept myself for who I am. I accept that person looking back at me in the mirror. I am the way God had intended me to be. I can't say he's always thrilled with my behavior, but as far as how I look, etc. This is how I'm supposed to be, and I accept that.
For some reason people are either scared or intimidated by me. Yes, if you want, I can dish out a nice sarcastic comment. Really though, please don't mess with me. I am known to be rather sassy, and to not take any bull whatsoever.

That is one type of person. The person who is confident, and does not take garbage.

Then there's the mean person, that really is...just garbage.

I will never understand this person. They pick on the weak to make themselves feel better. I will NEVER get this process. I have a friend who is a bit younger, and is currently dealing with some terrible rumors. Three people have targeted her. Not sure why, they used to be her friends, and now they've turned on her. I've told my friend, Be strong! Don't listen to them! Don't show weakness! However, she is not wired in the confident, I don't give a F&$@ what you say mentality. She is the nice little girl that wants everyone to be happy, and to love her. I wish the world was this way sweety, I really do. Unfortunately, people are just evil. Not all of them, but a good majority.

I also never understood rumors. Why do people love to hear it? Why do people love to start something that they know is completely false to begin with??? Don't they know that there are some individuals who will actually go to the source to get confirmation if the rumor is true or not? Don't they feel like a fool when everyone has found out that they lied? ugh, so many ridiculous people out there.

I guess this is one of many reasons why I have very little for friends, and stick mainly to family. I don't like dealing with the unecessary drama. I don't want to hear your gossip. I just want people to get lives, get some self-esteem, and stop wasting their time drowning themselves in other peoples lives.

Fin.